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Illusion of Equality

Submitted by Shelby Pryor on Mon, 2024-03-18 15:19

Anger coursing through my veins
At the injustices that surround
'Equality for all' a fine idea
One that the world resounds

I suppose it's equality at work
When you look at the labor force
Instead of looking any better
The statistics are looking worse

A man curses in public
He is applauded, but
A girl says the same thing
And she's dubbed a slut

Parents teach their boys
To fight for themselves
The girls are trained
To wish their bullies well

This will not be admitted
They will say I'm wrong
'Equality is real,' they say
And try to destroy my song

And as I pen these words
Some will likely be bound
To tell me it's incorrect
And I need to calm down

Women's history month
For freedom gained politically
But yet, in our communities
Equality is only a simile

It's reminding the women
To be grateful for today
For if this were the past
Life wouldn't be this way

I don't care if things are better
They are still not right
We need to stop cheering
And stand up and fight

Fight for equality at work
For protection at home
Fight for respect at church
Or even when you're alone

Ladies, our freedom is won
But our equality is not
We can't exstinguish the torch
Of those who have fought

And as I speak these words
And into your eyes I stare
Know we haven't won yet
We're only halfway there

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - draft

Contest:

Neopoet Weekly 03/17/24 to 03/23/24

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2024-03-18 21:20

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Illusion of Equality" presents a strong social commentary on gender inequality, using vivid language and imagery to convey the speaker's frustration and determination. The poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme to enhance its musicality and flow.

The poem's message is clear and direct, but the use of clichés and common phrases (e.g., "Anger coursing through my veins", "stand up and fight") may detract from its originality. Experimenting with more unique and personal metaphors could make the poem more engaging and impactful.

The poem's structure could also be improved. The varying line lengths and irregular rhyme scheme can make the poem seem disjointed. Establishing a more consistent structure could help to guide the reader through the poem and reinforce its themes.

The poem's tone is passionate and defiant, which effectively communicates the speaker's anger and determination. However, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of its themes. For example, the poem could delve deeper into the complexities of gender inequality, rather than presenting it as a simple binary issue.

Lastly, the poem's ending could be more impactful. The final lines reiterate the poem's main message, but they do not offer a new insight or perspective. A more surprising or thought-provoking ending could leave a lasting impression on the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Tue, 2024-03-19 10:57