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A muniment of grief

My lips touched the chalice of grief,
wavelets, then oceans swallowed me
drowning in sorrow, bloated with tears,
I float in the memories of your loss

My hands held you at the last
my left on your chest trembled
the right on your brow stilled,
a breath was a mercy of silence

As my hand slipped off yesterday
grasping at nought but air,
confused and bewildered
I reach into the void of tomorrow

Whispering words of adoration
I prayed into the firmament,
then looking around in wonderment
how was it the world had not fell?

How could the earth still turn?
why had the axis not cracked?
the greatest man I knew
had died, I buckled in unbelief

I slackened.

I felt the skins of my soul
slowly starting to peel away
Unfettered they sailed
into a shade born of grief

I am blind to joy and laughter
I am deaf to the music of life
my mouth is filled with rags,
I wander aimlessly adrift

I cry the oceans dry
I scream the universe quiet
and now a portrait of silence, I ask
How will I go on with being?

The man always standing by me,
The kindest man I ever knew
had to leave his earthly form,
My Fathers love is ever true.

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words: 
I have trashed about 20 copies of this. I've written and rewritten this so many times my heads spinning. I will come back and edit when grief let's me. I lost my elderly father last year and I am struggling with the loss. RVE 1929-2022 I love him now and always. For Dad.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

of this are beautiful. It is energetically radiating a powerful presence indeed. I am so glad you captured it in the blast radius of this awful loss you have suffered. I am terribly sorry and you have my condolences of course. I lost my father last year and didn't do nearly the justice you have done here. Very powerful. I was touched.

Thanks for your kind review. I am just pondering the last line at this stage. I had two different ways I could go I chose that one but I'll revisit it when I can. It was 8mths on the 11th since his death I thought I'd be able to handle it better than I did. Thank you for your kind condolences

Kind regards Jayne

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

author comment

I’m telling you as human not a writer. Leave this how it is. When your grief is swelling as you want to come back to this…write another piece. Even if it expresses a similar feeling it won’t be the same. Grief does not diminish with time. Contrary, I just think we grow a little bigger to accommodate the grief. At least, that’s how I feel about it. It’s not about moving on from the grief you felt while writing this poem it’s about finding out what that grief means to you now or a year from now.

If your grief is a well and poems are buckets, it seems to me returning to the well with a full bucket seems paradoxical. Set this pail down, the well of grief will alway fill another.

I’m truly sorry for your loss. I’m sorry if my comment was tone deaf. I assure you I mean only the best. There’s a song I wrote that I’d share with you called “New Soul Review”, if you’re over there on the YouTube give it a listen. It always makes me feel better when I’m down or I lose my bearings.

Roll over what I said. I think this poem is finished and I think it’s absolutely a masterpiece of self awareness.

Sending love,
Tim

I appreciate you connecting with this so deeply and I can feel even from here that you do! The grief comes in waves, when I least expect it? It hits me all over again. I felt ready to write but then over a period of a week I worked on this is the background while writing my other pieces. I wanted to portray my last minutes and those after losing him the best way I could. To be with him at the last and feel his last breath leave his body profoundly affected me.

Thank you for your comment. Thank you for your compassion and thank you for your words. They're more comforting than you know. Tone deaf? Not in the least.

Love Jayne

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

author comment

You've always written with your heart on your sleeve, I've known you now? 10 years? The wife sends her love.

I'm having trouble forming the words to express my admiration for yours, its a masterpiece of your love for Gibb.

I remember talking to you that night and I remember the depth of your grief. He would be proud of you sweet girl. As am I. You've turned into a fine poetess

I will post my first post later, I have something in my eye.

Thank you for leading me here.

Love Latham and Jane

You know me well. Yes it's been over 10yrs.

I remember your message and remember talking to you but if you ask me what I said or you said? that nights an absolute blank. Everything except his passing is gone. I think it was the shock.

Send my love to J and tell her I said thank you for the message this morning.

Thank you for reading and commenting. By the way where is your first poem Mr? I looked. Lol

I appreciate your friendship and our Gee more than y'all know. Get in and read when you get home and start your holidays I expect poetry and lots of it!!

Love you both J x

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

author comment

I am fully aware how hard it is to lose a father and trying to write about it is no pic nic.

Its no picnic, it's definitely one of the hardest poems I've ever written.

Hugs & love J x

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

author comment

how was it the world had not fell? ...This line does not appear well..

I lost my mom..I wonder if you have or had read it.. It's posted also on this site
MY MOM'S SMILES
Second poem ...I had composed
Grief be Brief
Lord Buddha's philosophy

ScorpIon women love dad's more. You seem to have done justice

I lost my pop years ago ...still I'm thinking
should I compose on a long time grief ----decades since

I think the best of Neo have given their views
how you value my comment I leave up to you

This one is emotional and very much sentimental .May you be bold to brave an irreparable loss ...
My daughter is shirking the day
when to the wilderness of time
I perish and go away

Be bold this is a wonderful score ...
I'm sure jess has tears flowing
to help you wash off this everlasting grief

But still I exhort in GRIEF BE BRIEF
Pardon me for my voice
'tis your choice

May GOD BLESS
the departed ones all..
Your sadness I share equally
now @83

You're not a no one. I respect the opinion of all. To review a poem doesn't have to be a technical endeavour. Sometimes it's to know that yourve moved someone in one way or another. Sometimes it's just the say nope it doesn't work. I will look for Your Mums smiles and read it tonight. I've left a note to remind me. I'm scattered today seems like all I have left is anniversaries of deaths, birthdays & holidays.

Like someone said. Grief is the price we pay for love.

-Queen Elizabeth ll

Love and hugs Jayne x

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

author comment

SHE WAS a great poetess
I read her lovely poem.....

Seren
you may read my
GIVE PEACE A CHANCE
READ OVER TEN THOUSAND 600 TIMES
WORLD wide
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/give-peace-chance-canada

I know how hard it is for a woman to lose her Father. especially if they were very close. the initial pain is a stunning blow, a gut-punch with the force to knock you down! it takes so much time to get it down to a strong ache. we ache with all of our body and head and heart.

my Dad passed away when I was eighteen years. and I still feel the sting of it. at the time, my family plotted to keep me away from the funeral and managed to do so. so he died in the lap of vipers who despised him. I was in California and he in Minnesota. they told my then husband to keep me from coming the distance. which he did. I hope that some day I will be able to write about his passing without the anger and resentment that I feel surrounding his death. but I know, I will never be able to write as well as you do.

this poem is beautiful and I have a tiny suggestion: on this line:

"how was it the world had not fell?" not (fallen?) instead of fell?
you have the power to move people to tears!

*love, Cat

the pain in your poem is palpable.

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I am absolutely gutted for you that that was taken from you I couldn't think of anything crueller.

I won't go on and on I could say so much about that but I'll email you. I like your suggestion. I wrote this and edited and edited and then had to step away.

I will edit tonight.

Thanks so much for your kind comment I do appreciate it so much.

Love Always Jayne

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

author comment

And stunning Jayne. At my dad's send off last year I saw my little sister for the first time in a long time and she was cancer ladened. So sad. It all creeps up on me at times and I become so weekend and helpless.
I don't think your muniment could get any better but only you would know.
hugs
mark

.
.
I am a caveman
Drawing bovine on a wall
With a burned spear tip
(for Jess)

I am truly sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad in May. To see your sister so ill at the same time would have crushed you.

I send my deepest condolences. There is no loss like the loss of a parent. In a way the cord of life that tethered us is severed. Leaving me in my case adrift and so alone.

Thanks for the read and the for the comment it's appreciated.

Kind regards Jayne

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

author comment
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