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THE MIST CLEARS
Mist clears to leave me cold in the wetness of the earth,
When daylight touches edge of life, and ends this sorry dearth.
The verdant grass full and lush, shines with silver trails,
Of animals found in the dark, steadfast on their travails.
And mammals came and fed on me, they nibbled at my life,
Their faces in my hands to suckle on my soul.
And share with me god’s own earth, the evidence was rife,
As we despoil our planet fast, with fossil fuel and coal.
Man, we knew to be alarmed, and feared what we had done,
As people hide in their homes, and rivers overflow.
Through the night the rains came and then the boiling sun,
Followed by tornadoes and volcanoes from below.
For those left at the end, don’t save humanity,
Think long and hard on what I say and ask if this is true.
We killed our earth for greed and gold, the real insanity,
If they seek you, be aware, you’ll work for a chosen few.
Review Request (Intensity):
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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I have concerns about climate change and what we are doing to the planet, hence I've used this poem to express my imagination.
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Not Explicit Content
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United Kingdom
Favorite Poets
I like Margaret Atwoods poetry and I enjoy her writing. She has a natural ability to make her fiction read like poetry, if you read closely you will see it., I have a good understanding of the English language but I don't always follow the rules as I can be a little lazy and sometimes I'm just tired., I've been inspired reading the poetry on Neopoet and have enjoyed analysing other people's work.
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-05-10 11:35
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "THE MIST CLEARS" has a strong message about the consequences of neglecting the environment. The first stanza sets the scene effectively, with the imagery of mist clearing and leaving the speaker feeling cold and damp. The second stanza introduces the idea of the animals that inhabit the earth, and their importance in the ecosystem. However, the language becomes more disjointed and confusing in the third stanza when the focus shifts to humans and their impact on the planet. The use of the word "despoil" is jarring and feels out of place in the context of the rest of the poem. The fourth stanza is the most chaotic, with a mix of natural disasters and the suggestion that only a chosen few will survive. The final stanza is a call to action, but the wording is awkward and the message is unclear.
One suggested line edit would be to replace "despoil" in the third stanza with a more fitting word such as "destroy" or "pollute". This would help to maintain the flow of the poem and make the message more accessible to readers.
Overall, "THE MIST CLEARS" has potential to be a powerful environmental poem, but the execution falls short in some areas. The language and imagery need to be more consistent throughout, and the message needs to be conveyed in a clearer and more concise way.
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