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Lost and Found
She was talking about a time
when she had a few too many,
and had no idea where she was.
In a dark alley, exposed and vulnerable.
Her youth speaking, shrugging away the danger
she was in that night, but with the insight of reflection
said, “We all get lost at some point in our lives.
Places where even the wind is afraid to go.”
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
San Francisco Bay Area - USA
Favorite Poets
Bukowski, Billy Collins, Ted Kooser, Haiku & Harvey Kurtzman (a visual poet, of sorts)
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2023-12-26 11:14
I like...
your title, the theme is good and the beginning and end were excellent.
Seeing as you have ended the next to last line with a full stop, [period]
I would give the last line some type of direction such as: when, where, or what.
[There are] some places even the wind is afraid to go. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Michael Anthony
Tue, 2023-12-26 11:21
Thanks Geez! Not sure I
Thanks Geez! Not sure I understand your comment about the last line though. I have used the word "where" in it.
Best
Michael Anthony
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2023-12-26 11:42
I was thinking...
more like it was such a loose connection to the line before.
"We all get lost at some point in our lives."
The next line: "Places where even the wind is afraid to go" puts us at odds with where is that point?
It is as if one says:
I always make mistakes.
Two errors are never a good thing.
What errors am I referring to?
I'm hoping that the way I've said it this time, that it makes better sense.
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Michael Anthony
Tue, 2023-12-26 11:56
Ahh, I see. I was trying to
Ahh, I see. I was trying to convey the "place" as being the danger, physical (the alley), and perhaps mental (places even the wind...), many of us have placed ourselves in when youth suggests we are invulnerable. Seems clear to me, but we all get different things from the poems we read. Thanks, as always, for sharing your thoughts Mr. Geez!
Best
Michael Anthony
author commentRuby Lord
Tue, 2023-12-26 11:46
I liked the way your poem
I liked the way your poem drew me in and conjured the emotion needed to tell this tale. I remember when I was younger and the risks I took. Your poem made me recall some of those situations. Great job, Ruby :) xx
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.