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I do what I can
Green grass. Dark blue rooks.
Shadows spread on the meadow,
lazily silently wet their feet in the brook.
Insects are storming the evening.
Their angular legs are loud.
Transparent, glistening wings are strong.
Short showers lean on their shoulders,
cut through the sun. I want to do something,
stand on one leg like a dancer on top
of a big rock and sing like an opera singer,
or jump high and gracefully
like one of those famous ice skaters.
Instead I am walking across the meadow,
take a deep breath, and kiss the first man I see.
He smiles and thanks me.
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How was my language use?
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Washington DC
Favorite Poets
Matsuo Bashō, Sylvia Plath, Charles Bukowski, TS Eliot, William Carlos Williams, Joseph Brodsky, Boris Pasternak, DH Lawrence, Robert Frost
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Comments
lovedly
Tue, 2018-09-04 13:04
It SEEMS most neos missed
being the first one
lol
nice poem
there is a country ARMENIA IF i RECALL CORRECTLY WHO SAY
THEY CAN THOSE WHO CAN
So u can
IRiz
Tue, 2018-09-04 13:53
Yep you are the first, thank
Yep you are the first, thank you for keeping your kind attention on my posting.
IRiz
author commentlovedly
Tue, 2018-09-04 23:05
what can me say
you say
reading ur every poetry since last days
Geezer
Tue, 2018-09-04 19:11
I like this...
just a few little things I think that may make it a little smoother.
Try: lazily, silent, wet their feet
Their angular legs are loud
Transparent, glistening wings so strong
high and graceful, not [gracious] gracious is a manner of acting social. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
IRiz
Tue, 2018-09-04 20:58
Hello Geezer,
Hello Geezer,
I have corrected gracious to gracefully, thank you. The other suggestions look like grammatically beyond my understanding.
I don't have a sense why they would improve the text. Thank you for reading.
IRiz
author commentraj
Wed, 2018-09-05 05:55
Hello friend IRiz
Each poetic line in this poem reflects the vision of the protagonist...to me this translates like "the world is my place where I have the choice to do whatever I deem fit or feel inspired to do instinctively and not necessarily be bridled by tradition or taboo"...pretty exquisite
..............................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
IRiz
Wed, 2018-09-05 08:10
Hi Raj,
Hi Raj,
Thank you for reading.
The goal of the poem was just to remind a reader the feeling when beauty of nature inspires to do something extraordinary but the protagonist can't because she is just a normal average. But even normal and boring person has a power to make somebody happy, to share the thrill of the moment with someone close or even a complete stranger.
IRiz
author commentraj
Wed, 2018-09-05 13:50
thanks IRiz for elaboration..
thanks IRiz for elaboration....i realize i was off target in interpretation...
............................
raj (sublime_ocean)
IRiz
Wed, 2018-09-05 14:24
it is okay, thank you for
it is okay, thank you for trying
IRiz
author commentgregwa8
Wed, 2018-09-05 23:30
ha! surprise ending that
ha! surprise ending that captures the transference of beauty and wonder to another soul. unexpected! I enjoyed reading this.
IRiz
Thu, 2018-09-06 08:31
Yes, you see my point! Thank
Yes, you see my point! Thank you very much. So glad I delivered.
IRiz
author commentSparrow
Thu, 2018-09-06 04:06
Irene
The raven in the shadows seems to depict someone that has become unsure of their feelings on a few things.
Then the capitulation into a careless way, a new saying from me.
"Wander not from the pathway, as there around each corner you may meet a reason."
Yours as always Ian x
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
IRiz
Thu, 2018-09-06 08:40
Hi Ian,
Hi Ian,
It is only rarely one can tell what is going on in one's heart.
But the poem is about the feeling of helplessness when facing the overwhelming beauty of nature and a modest solution how one can respond to it: if I can't jump above my head I can make somebody happy. Maybe then he will will make that jump.
IRiz
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