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Henry The Eighth and Anne Boylen

Submitted by Ruby Lord on Thu, 2023-08-17 07:03

He glimpsed her in pursuit of her sister,
At last, he turned his blue eye to see.
She caught him in a net then he did kiss her,
And yet, this king, could never be free.

Queen Katherine handsome, growing older,
Hair sprinkled with salt of infidelity.
A stab of pain, deep on queen’s right shoulder,
Her purpose lost in child death cruelty.

By nature, rigid-to-touch in husband’s campaign,
He consults soothsayers, they tell him lies.
Tonight, under instruction, he tries again,
Performs act as missionary: fails, no surprise.

And Lady Anne has hooked her a fish,
With her beauty and French wit, he observes.
In a heavenly prayer she makes a wish,
Now her bed made, it is Henry who she serves.

When she is certain she is with child,
Henry crowns her his second queen.
She takes him, beguiled in his smile,
Tales they told, courtiers lies obscene.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
The history of Henry and Anne is so complex, I doubt anyone could do it justice in a poem. I've tried. Ruby :)
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week August 13th to August 18th 2023.
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Thu, 2023-08-17 13:04

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem presents a narrative that is rich in historical context and emotion, focusing on the story of Anne Boleyn and King Henry VIII. The use of language is evocative, painting a vivid picture of the characters and their experiences. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved for clarity and impact.

1. Consistency in Meter: The poem seems to be written in iambic pentameter, which is a classic choice for historical narratives. However, there are lines that do not adhere to this meter, which can disrupt the rhythm of the poem. For example, the line "Queen Katherine handsome, growing older," appears to have one less syllable than the standard iambic pentameter. Ensuring consistency in meter can help to create a smoother reading experience.

2. Clarity in Imagery: While the poem uses vivid imagery, there are instances where the meaning could be clearer. For example, in the line "Hair sprinkled with salt of infidelity," the metaphor of salt is not immediately clear. While it may be a reference to tears or to the sea (both common associations with salt), the connection to infidelity is not immediately apparent. Making sure that your metaphors and similes are clear can help to enhance the reader's understanding and enjoyment of the poem.

3. Use of Language: The poem uses a mix of modern and archaic language, which can sometimes disrupt the historical atmosphere of the poem. For example, the phrase "fails, no surprise" has a modern, colloquial feel that contrasts with the more formal, historical language used elsewhere in the poem. Ensuring that your language choices are consistent can help to create a more immersive and believable historical setting.

4. Narrative Flow: The poem's narrative seems to jump abruptly between different events and perspectives. For example, the transition from the second to the third stanza is somewhat abrupt, moving from Queen Katherine's perspective to King Henry's without clear indication. Providing smoother transitions or clearer indications of perspective changes can help to improve the narrative flow of the poem.

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