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Drawn

Submitted by Rosewood Apothecary on Wed, 2023-01-11 08:01

Wrap me in your gravity
This interstellar travel
Sailing on the galaxies
As time itself unravels
Your heat is burning like a star
Your touch provides the light
Careening through my atmosphere
This meteoric night
Be my sunrise and my moon
My lazy grateful dawn
Yet every night your silver shines
Back into you I’m drawn

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Wed, 2023-01-11 08:19

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it isn't just what you say, but the way you say it that makes you unique and gorgeous. I am ever in awe... perfect and sublime.

*hugs, Cat

I like the story within story aspect!
*ever, eddy

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Rosewood Apothecary

Wed, 2023-01-11 08:33

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I took a big step when I got here on the site and I never write anything without thinking about what you told me about boring words. There are always better action verbs and articles are dull…best advice I’ve ever received and you’ll notice I pass it on often.

I do like to create an alternative reality that all these poems and songs and artwork I create can live in. Like Nietzche said, “no artist tolerates reality”

You are in fact the best,
Tim

author comment

Candlewitch

Wed, 2023-01-11 08:37

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I have noticed! you are like a rocket that just took off...

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Simon

Wed, 2023-01-11 09:38

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This is so quick but sweet to read over and over.

Geezer

Wed, 2023-01-11 10:06

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find a flaw anywhere! This is such a good one, that I didn't want it to end! Yes Simon, you are right; "so quick" and sweet to read over and over. Nice! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Obadiah Grey

Wed, 2023-01-11 13:05

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Just,,,,, YES !

but perhaps, "My lazy grateful dawn" ?

Obi.

Rosewood Apothecary

Wed, 2023-01-11 13:08

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Good suggestion. I’ll implement that change. Thanks for reading.

author comment

Lavender

Wed, 2023-01-11 22:35

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Hi, Tim,
Be my sunrise and my moon.
What a rush it must have been to write those stunning words! Breathtaking...
L

lovedly

Thu, 2023-01-12 07:31

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only one question
Why all first letters in CAPS
I wonder often
Tim I'm so dim...

Rosewood Apothecary

Thu, 2023-01-12 10:10

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Because I’m lazy I suppose. That’s a bunch of decisions I need to make when I should be writing the next poem. Usually my stuff is organized in such a way where every line is it’s own thought, not always and I do realize that is confusing occasionally. I write on my iPhone in the notes app. When I hit return I get a capital letter to start the next line and I have to hit an extra character to turn off the caps. All the while I’m losing the idea trying to decide if I should capitalize. I write in a frenzy and it very rarely takes more than 5-10 minutes to write something like this. Sorry if it makes certain lines seem disjointed.

Thanks for your amazing compliments,
Tim

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RoseBlack

Thu, 2023-01-12 22:42

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From the heart to your wife.... absolutely wonderful! Well done!

~RoseBlack~

Seren

Wed, 2023-01-25 12:55

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I'm going to run out of superlatives for your poetry. This is another cracking write. Your wife is a lucky woman I hope she enjoys them as nuch as we all do

Bravo ny friend

Love Jayne xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Seren

Wed, 2023-01-25 12:55

Seren's picture

I'm going to run out of superlatives for your poetry. This is another cracking write. Your wife is a lucky woman I hope she enjoys them as nuch as we all do

Bravo ny friend

Love Jayne xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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