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Closed Captioned

Submitted by Jordyn Alyssa on Thu, 2023-02-02 23:20

Exaggeration of the flaws in one personality
only complicate their attempt at existence.
Drinking tainted water will only poison you.
And my mind races back and forth as I ponder.

You continue to speak, as though you have knowledge.
Yet, true to fact, you have none.
The rivers all run to meet the ocean,
This is why we all seek the answer.

As the morning sun breaks through the clouds
spilling warm sunshine across my soul,
I seek knowledge for divine truth.
I have crossed the shadows and let them chase me.

Following the moon is a pagan ritual,
I’ve gathered tomes and tales in my travelling.
None of it very useful, only curious.
Still, the dance continues without me.

The night is a song of sweet melody.
Your ears must make a note of the sweet serenity.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Rula

Fri, 2023-02-03 03:13

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I can relate to most of this insightful piece. I specially agree with the first two stanzas.
As a suggestion to give the last couplet a smoother read,
The night is a song of sweet melody.
[Let's] make a note of the sweet serenity.

Thank you for sharing

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Rosewood Apothecary

Fri, 2023-02-03 07:04

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Following the moon is a pagan ritual,
I’ve gathered tomes and tales in my travelling.
None of it very useful, only curious.
Still, the dance continues without me.

It certainly is a pagan ritual. Important In knowing when to plant when to reap. When to fish and gather.

I agree with playing around with the last two lines.

The night is a song of sweet melody.
Your ears must make a note of the sweet serenity.

As a suggestion

Night sings to us an old timeless melody.
Your ears must take note of her sweetest serenity.

I love this one,
Tim

Geezer

Fri, 2023-02-03 14:53

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I too, have searched for the divine truth and found most everything wanting. I have no magic words to that will give you the meaning of life; I only know that I live by the truth given to us all. We are of this little muddy ball, and we will likely never leave it, not even in death. I hope that you will keep searching and find the "truth" you are looking for.
A well thought out and written piece. ~ Geezer.
.

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