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BENZONARCOPOLIS

Submitted by Esker on Fri, 2016-07-22 21:26

Third floor windows...shone that brilliant light
nearby was the Bomarc old installation
by the shitty trailer park
the pines were fifteen feet high
..............dressed in our pj's
early
fighting each others egos
and the dynamics of the see
all staff
we took our dispensed meds
..at our night snacks
watched telly
and slid into the lah lah land
of drooling dreams
save night checks
till coffee time at seven

I had electro shock therapy
I had a visit from my family
I danced at New Years
with a Lovely
and bought treats from
the Naffi bar
walked the grounds
where people dissapeared
Dove off the water tower
and were cremated and
unofficially buried in the
gardens past the old
defunct tennis ground
main office

1955 she was built
and flattened three
years after I last
stayed there
2010

I remember the cops
bringing me in
or ambulance
the smell.
the steam from
the wrapped pipes
in the hall
the bubble room
the television room
the sitting room
...beautiful
windows...view
of the pines
the curtians
at night and the
med crash cart
call.....

when I believed
in so much more
and still

its a flattened
quiet field now
but the pines
are still there
the woods
where the ghosts
live

I spent my times
in the new wards
they are okay

but Im still a ghost
like many
on D ward
waiting for the
blue dinner trays
and the cruel staff
....

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Esker

Fri, 2016-07-22 21:32

Esker's picture

I spent time in the psychs.....a lot
no freedom there mate....
and time in jail...holding at least
probation...two years worth
they take pretty pics of U in
surveillance
ha....there are very hungry
people inside that dont give
shits about nothing

and iffy they find U been
messing with family sibs
survival of the fittest mate

freedoms an illusion
somewhere
bridges get crossed

I was head hunter for years
the intelligent and promiscuious
we dug out
and flattened

perhaps I say much
but truth
nothing leads back
back nothing leads

we are
everywhere
everywhere
are we

rock on!
'

author comment

Sparrow

Sat, 2016-07-23 04:25

Sparrow's picture
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Loved the write just a couple of tiny things to correct I shall let you read it then SEE if you have it write:-
The dynamics of the all seeing staff ???
I hope you were a carer in there, but maybe not shit happens and we lose control sometimes.
But there the lonely pines can mean more now,
as they survived those days,
where the badness and disorientation,
brought fear and cruelty.
There even in those places are places within that have a quiet that survives even the pines.
Great write guess we will have to think if truth or fiction lol.
Yours as always Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Geezer

Sat, 2016-07-23 11:07

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Are we really free anywhere? No matter the setting; if you are poorer than poor dirt or richer than Midas, we are all constrained by our hopes and fears. Seems as though we pay the price for our dreams and our failings equally. For every dream, there is the nightmare. You write convincingly of time spent in places of punishment and neglect. Your fortitude and strength in making a life outside of these places, is a testament to your will. Thank you for sharing, your friend always. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

eightmenout

Mon, 2016-07-25 09:33

I know not of this place
But ones like you write
There are two pieces of me still there
Comfort
Discomfort
strange but ordinary
Dull yet adventurous
Grey, yet the color of beautiful
The little garden in the middle of the city scape
The penal fenced yard with bball and picnic tables
Set next to the marsh and deep, deep river

The people are people
Just more like me
I want to stay
But can't wait to get out
The books read better
The news seems brighter
Not much the world can do inside
But let me be
And if you play your cards right
The crazies think you're crazier

And I can dream
And I can write
And no one cares
And I can write
And they want to read
And they may understand
And they may not
And I am fine with that
And I can't wait to go back
And I can't wait to get out

Scott

Esker

Mon, 2016-07-25 09:50

Esker's picture

holding pattern
Bud

dream...beyond the walls
wire fence
bars

out here we deal with shit
whats the diff..
someone holds us back
whoa thankU
some politician
sergeant
gang banger obscures
from fear
intimidashun
fuck..this shits been goin
on long before Jesus
came too save us

inside sucks
but outside
U dont produce
fit in
have a pack
U stave
get yer ribs
kicked
know why
cause I lived
it

inside......
I know people
that did twenty years
for murder
did their time
I know many in
forensics
twenty years getting
released now
for killing their wives
best friends
in some mania
state

I know many not
in...but busting
their humps
for what provides
them..their wife
and kiddies with
income for their
hard dedicated
and Loyal work

there are Rules
trust me on
that one....break
em and they
have the Rule
Fixers...

I used too be in
AA....had enough
clout...pass to
go to medium
security and do
the meetings
knew the people
behind the bars

then fucked up
and was behind
the bars
ten days..but
learned a lot
Boys trusted me
in holding in court
they slept while
I walked the floor
like Daniel amongst
the Lions
and the old female
guard made us
cheese an ham
sandwiches
something an old
con said he had
never seen in
twenty years..

rules are bent by
those with dynamic
powers..

the idea is too contain
our wavelengths
of infrequent frequencies
not act on them
I knew what I am
would come in handy
for a lot of people
not just jump out there
to the first buyer
wanting too use
me as the patsy

aha

I always brokered
a deal
but I was there
on the threshold
like all whom
just let the
sword..hammer
drop

I was not willing
to pay for that

I starved..suffered
but freedom
without being fed
pampered
cajoled in the
penal system
of north america
was still worth
it....

in our city people
released here
get a paid apartment
help
methadone from
addictions
and picked up from
groups for the intell
they have..
a racket
like since time began

me...I AM INDEPENDENT

but I have slept on the
concrete beds
taken the showers
eaten the food
hung around in the
waiting cells
taken a shit behind
the small wall

whats worse

starving and working
I did this
while your family
turns your back
your town spits
on you for your
color and beliefs
your job competitors
work against U

who cares
I survived my way

Like your transgressions
here...

we are not much different

thank U!

author comment

eightmenout

Mon, 2016-07-25 14:00

Indeed
But our differences define us
Shunned
and loved

Try to form me
Doubt you will get very far
Try to speak for me
You'll lie

I am what I am
Because I hid my abuse
Spend most of my energy
Fighting the all-ending psychotic break
That takes a life
Mine or theirs
Has never really seemed to matter

Funny, peculiar
If I run into a burning building
I am lauded a hero
Defend my country
Brave and noble
But face death alone...
I am a coward
Who's terms are those?

I guess the question I've always wondered
Why do they seek us out
Only to disregard
Vice versa
Disregard then seek us out
Why must our "talent" be on their terms
Obviously,
They don't realize that it was the previous terms
That defined our "talent"
Or is it me who fails to realize that?

You are a special mind. How you find beauty through so much shit is fascinating. I am a blessed being for having the opportunity to exchange words with you.

Scott

Sparrow

Mon, 2016-07-25 19:18

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Did you feel the warmth on your face
You are alive and a new day
There are many that left in the night
Yet you are here to do as you wish
Be happy that someone or thing
Has given you another day.
There as the morning breeze flows
The pines will nod and say Hi,
Put your ass into gear
Make this a great day.
Learn from all things gone before
Live today as if you hadn't lived before
You are as children new
And must learn a thing or two
Walk with strangers
ask them if they know you
Can they tell how your life has been
Well stop shuffling around
Get off your ass and find new ground
Tell me about it tomorrow lol
Do I even know who you are.
We will walk as friends
Into that sunrise
Yours Ian.T

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

eightmenout

Mon, 2016-07-25 20:21

You are only proving my point
Don't be one of them
I am comfortable in the darkness
Let me be

Scott

Sparrow

Tue, 2016-07-26 03:13

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You can dwell where ever you wish it is not for me to say.
I can only control parts of my life let alone others.
My writing as an answer was auto so not exact I am not in any position to judge.
You take care and know we are always here some place,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Esker

Wed, 2016-07-27 09:57

Esker's picture

just getting though more murk
in process of avoiding phone
and shoving some away
I dont need too do this

being mean isnt an asset
but the world is meaner
sharpening our capacity to
survive isnt a detriment
and making buddies on
the trail where they go
like dominoes sometimes
gets to be a drag
and Im not counting days
I was a lifer forever
long before

sometimes U just gotta
lock and load
Drive on Driver it dont need no mind!

in the meantime the sweet things come
and go....visions...moments
dreams...happy clips
saw a bunni on the trail
and walking the dog
a mother deer and her young
she stepped forward with her
leg raised like a Kung Fu
move...her flippy tail flipping...
so I backed up..
we all use the trail...
the dog was yipping..
but we settled back to the trail

Some of us are cheery blokes
and some of us went through
the battles...that will affect
everyone different

like right now...
light bulb in living room went out
bunni needs a light bulb
we dont have extras
normally before I would go on
about this.....why dont we have
back ups...
we cant afford light bulbs
because....yadda yadda
and I can give up this one
although its an extra thing

and look for a spare
two in bathroom
vanity light.

just getting into action
then a forensic what
if why when

spontaneity of life
I had much of it before
I got a tad weary
and that will
let one have a slip up
not be as sharp or
keen.....
and gotta keep
sharp on the six
twelve nine and
three...

Over and out!!

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