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Astronauts Of Nibiru

Submitted by Alan Garfoot on Wed, 2023-07-19 13:25

As the galaxies spin in their subtle grace,
And as conscious beings contemplate the stars,
The astronaut psychics of the human race,
Were projecting their minds to worlds off far.

Interstellar beings with their unique powers,
Enlightened spirits of interstellar design,
Solar eclipses and night-time meteor showers,
A perfection of grace to starlight refined.

A dwarf-star prophecy of global destruction,
The heat incineration of all human beings,
A Mayan prediction as a warning instruction,
Of a global catastrophe destroying all things.

In the critical inception of the causal factors,
We hypothesised the technology of our salvation,
A faster than light drive with zero-point reactor,
Saving the lives of every person and nation.

Through theories of hyperspace we had discovered,
The capacity to travel beyond the limits of light,
And with a warhead payload greater than all others,
We removed the solar threat from the human races sight.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Contest: 
July 2023 Challenge Once upon a time
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2023-07-19 19:30

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Astronauts of Nibiru" explores the concept of astronaut psychics projecting their minds to distant worlds and their mission to save humanity from a global catastrophe. The poem has a strong science fiction theme and incorporates elements of prophecy and advanced technology.

One suggestion for improvement is to consider the flow and rhythm of the poem. While the poem has a consistent rhyme scheme, some lines feel a bit forced or awkwardly phrased. For example, in the second stanza, the line "Enlightened spirits of interstellar design" could be rephrased to improve the flow and maintain the rhyme scheme.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from more vivid and descriptive language to enhance the imagery. This would help to create a stronger connection between the reader and the fantastical elements of the poem. Consider using sensory details and specific imagery to bring the scenes to life.

Furthermore, the poem introduces several intriguing concepts, such as the dwarf-star prophecy and theories of hyperspace. However

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Geezer

Thu, 2023-07-20 21:23

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not free verse. ABCB rhyme, is what it is. The AI is right, rhythm is irregular and could be made smoother with a little attention paid to the meter. I like the sci-fi references and the effort of the aliens to reduce the risk of our sun burning us up by exploding it. ~ Geezer.
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Alan Garfoot

Mon, 2023-07-31 15:20

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Brown Dwarfs are not just D&D characters

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