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Loveless

Submitted by Blue-eyed Bolla on Sat, 2024-09-28 08:33

It's autumn’s lonely afternoon,
the sun is sinking slow.
The leaves are bleeding from the trees,
why did she have to go?

The sky is blue between the clouds,
and since she went to roam,
there stands an empty shell of stone
we used to call a home.

It's twilight, so sad stars appear.
Then darkness casts its spell.
Inside the house,
where lovebirds breathed,
I live my Loveless hell.

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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2024-09-28 14:33

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Loveless" effectively conveys a sense of melancholy and loss through its imagery and tone. The use of nature elements like autumn, bleeding leaves, and sad stars creates a somber atmosphere that mirrors the speaker's emotional state. The repetition of the word "loveless" in the final line reinforces the theme of emptiness and heartache.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the rhyme scheme or meter to add more dynamism to the poem. This could help prevent the poem from feeling too predictable or monotonous to the reader. Additionally, exploring more unique or specific imagery could enhance the emotional impact of the poem and make it more memorable to the audience.

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Leslie

Sat, 2024-09-28 19:42

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You should enter this in a contest, if you already have'nt!

Today never knows what tommorow will bring!

Candlewitch

Sun, 2024-09-29 07:26

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excellent poem! It takes me back in time, to a loveless marriage. My favorite lines are:

It's twilight, so sad stars appear.
Then darkness casts its spell.
Inside the house,
where lovebirds breathed,
I live my Loveless hell.

*hugs, Cat

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Lavender

Tue, 2024-10-01 09:35

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This really cuts to the core of a lost love. Only a broken heart would see the grand beauty of Autumn leaves as "bleeding from the trees."
Thank you,
L

Blue-eyed Bolla

Sat, 2024-10-05 09:38

Blue-eyed Bolla's picture

Thank you, L. As always, I appreciate your kind comments and feedback.

KBloor

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