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stress
she pleads for rest
as a wave of emotion crashes over her.
she drowns in it. struggling to escape she creates...................................scars
with depth too great to measure.
deeper than flesh. than bones. than the very soul itself.
she is too burried in lies that she ..................................................................can't
find any truth. cuts hurt
but not nearly as much as the harsh
discovery of the world she lives in. she tries to.........................................erase
the past unsuccessfully.
with nowhere to turn and
no place to hide, she finds herself lost in..................................................reality
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
this is very rough, i would like some tips ..... but it tells a very close story to my heart.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Nichole
Sun, 2012-02-19 20:29
WOW
I like this one a LOT!! And i totally feel you on the subject and content!! Nothing in this needs changed I love it!!! honestly. I feel we will get along very well together. Keep up the amazing work young lady.
Sincerely nichole
Starlight
Mon, 2012-02-20 18:00
Thanks Nicole
thanks! your the best :D
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2012-02-19 20:36
Hello starlight
a very lovely well written poem
a very note worthy title
the only thing i might suggest is that instead of
having the one word way out to the side for readers to look for slow down the pace
and may even be forgotten its there.
otherwise your poem is great for some your age. you obviously have an inborn talent to be a great poet here
welcome to Neopoet
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Starlight
Mon, 2012-02-20 18:02
:)
Thank you
loved
Mon, 2012-02-20 03:53
Scars can't erase reality
You dear young girl
are a wizard of creativity .
I couldn't even think
of what you do at your prime age .
But you have been badly hurt
and
creativity is at its utmost best
Hope your struggle
to overcome the past
bears fruit.
As a novice poet too
I adore you .
loved
Starlight
Mon, 2012-02-20 17:59
thank you
thanks for reading. very lovely feedback. i thank you♥
loved
Tue, 2012-02-21 02:45
Nice feelings
NICE FEELINGS
when artists get a feed back
it elates...
so i always say
acknowledge and
co-relate
it makes poets feel great.
have you scanned
any of mine
yet Albeit!....
loved
emogothgirl
Mon, 2012-02-20 15:05
you....
i knew it! you're good!
Starlight
Mon, 2012-02-20 17:58
HA>:)
ok. Compared to what? not you of course.. :P but thanks
emogothgirl
Mon, 2012-02-20 21:07
grrrrr
oh, boo you! there is no comparison - got you there - and don't bring ME into this. i'm not very good. everyone seems to agree that you are TALENTED tiha.
Starlight
Mon, 2012-02-20 21:10
pish posh
tell somebody thats not a waste of space missy.
emogothgirl
Mon, 2012-02-20 21:58
well then
i will take this up again when i can hug you till you can't breathe. maybe THEN you'll see it my way!
Starlight
Mon, 2012-02-20 22:05
yeah
im not scared of you . >:P
emogothgirl
Mon, 2012-02-20 22:21
...
we'll see tiah, we'll see. :)
Starlight
Mon, 2012-02-20 22:22
we
shall.
weirdelf
Mon, 2012-02-20 20:50
I like the structure, it is innovaative and unique.
Your words are so well crafted I can barely believe your age.
My only suggestion is that you experiment even more with form. You have the potential for greatness.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Starlight
Mon, 2012-02-20 20:58
thank you
i tinker with form a lot, i am trying to be more daring with it but i am not liking what i am getting. i guess practicing and trial and error will make me better.
weirdelf
Mon, 2012-02-20 21:00
Oh, I know great poetry and potential when I read it.
You have it.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Mon, 2012-02-20 22:13
grrl girls are strong and self empowered.
Love it.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry