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Travel...
I met a Japanese man
Poetry talking we did
Somber old Haiku
His wife sat silent in back
His vision made me see him
She wasn't there though
Flying to Australia
Seeing family again
She smiles her remarks
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Thu, 2010-11-25 19:06
travel
a succinct description of the way the relationship between a man and wife in a traditional Japanese marriage might be......scribbler
Geezer
Thu, 2010-11-25 22:35
That was...
my thought as I drove away from the airport. He seemed to look fondly at her for the good job she did of raising a fine son. She was content to just nod, and smile. I think theirs was the kind of relationship that needed few words between them. Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
loved
Thu, 2010-11-25 20:22
Silently
they bow
no one knows
what they mean
when they say
whou whou
Then bow bow bow
even
Obama did
loved
Geezer
Thu, 2010-11-25 22:45
Thank you...
for the little Haiku. I'm not sure about the form, because there are so many, but it rolls right off the tongue, and gives the right scene, so who cares? I liked it! Thanks, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Fri, 2010-11-26 00:03
I found...
that she was very personable, even though she never said a word,[ maybe hello, when I said I was there to take them to the airport.] her face and demeanor said everything there was to say. Shy, but not subservient, proud but not blatantly so. Thanks for the read, ~ As ever, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Tue, 2010-11-30 09:02
I am pleased...
that this one was so well recieved. I wrote this over a period of a few days. I wanted to capture it as I remembered it, and how it made me feel. I worked real hard at it, because it struck me so powerfully. i haven't been my best lately, and was down for a couple of days, so I will work at getting all my replies and comments out. Thanks, and "loved" might an often used word, but if it best describes the feeling, I have no problem in using it. LOVE, and higgest bugs, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Mon, 2010-11-29 09:58
Dear Sir Gee,
I agree with Jayne and Shirl on this piece. These few words paint a giant picture.
love, cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Tue, 2010-11-30 09:12
I guess...
my job then! I hope that the man and woman I wrote this about, would be pleased. I tried hard to capture the essence of what I saw that day, and translate it into Haiku. I would like to think that someday, they will see it, and recognise the day and situation.
Even if they don't, I have the memory of it burned in the ether, and my brain. Thanks for the read, Love ya, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Kailashana2
Tue, 2010-11-30 09:45
Sigh.
Sigh.
Missed this. What a difference between East and West, eh.... a marriage usually is predicated on spoken communication. Ordinarily it is assumed it's because two sitting in silence in a restaurant have little left to say
(not a good thing.)
How wonderful to have perfect communication without language. Then it's a dance between two lovers.
~A
Geezer
Wed, 2010-12-01 08:57
The dance...
between these lovers, wasn't without music. I could hear the refrain, "I love you", playing on their heart-strings, and see the tempo in their eyes. Thanks for the read and the sigh. It says much. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
hobo
Wed, 2010-12-01 13:29
quiet love
there seems to be a quiet love here. nice write
You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down
Geezer
Thu, 2010-12-02 10:17
Hi Hobo...
Yes, a quiet love. I might have used that as the title for this piece. Thanks for the read, and the comment. Been reading your work, and think you have been writing some really good stuff. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Fri, 2010-12-03 11:56
Thank you...
Xena. Being a taxi-driver has given me some great insight as to what people are like. Sometimes you just have to watch a person, and how they relate to others, to gain some measure of their true selves. ~ Gee x
Hope you had a great Thanksgiving, ~ Guy
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Mon, 2010-12-06 08:23
Smiles...
The second stanza, was where He and I spoke of writing Haiku, and she wasn't involved. [She wasn't there] She expressed no interest in our conversation until it turned to the reason for going to the airport. [She smiles her remarks] was meant to show that, while he spoke of traveling to Australia to see their son, she just smiled and nodded. They weren't going home. They live here in America. I had picked them up in the taxi to drive them to the airport. Thanks for the read and comments, ~ Geezer
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Xavier Sleuth
Tue, 2021-07-27 14:11
Cute
Cute
-..- -..- -..- -..- -..- -..-
Xtremely busy Xponentially becoming Xcellently at Xactly _____
Geezer
Tue, 2021-07-27 16:37
thanks...
Glad you liked it. Haiku isn't your thing huh?
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Xavier Sleuth
Tue, 2021-07-27 17:49
Not really
But I guess the subject matter is what didn't grab my attention
_shrugs_
Me against the world.
-..- -..- -..- -..- -..- -..-
Xtremely busy Xponentially becoming Xcellently at Xactly _____