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STORMS
Distant thunder grumbles discontent
here at dimming of day's light
as the storm builds
in brilliant flashes
This tempest erupted suddenly
an hour ago skies were clear
then the sky exploded
from a kernel, like popcorn
latent energy
unleashed
Now set into random motion
direction determined by chaos
and of duration
short
Such is the very nature
of life's storms
so often seen
so seldom endured
waste no worry on distant storms
which so seldom approach
beware, rather, the near
whirlwinds
My periodic free verse attempt
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Mon, 2011-05-09 19:10
hello rose
It's pretty rough, but I'll keep picking at it lol...............stan
Nordic cloud
Mon, 2011-05-09 13:16
Ere's me crit Stan, just some
Ere's me crit Stan, just some things bothered me a little
"This tempest erupted suddenly...suddenly a tempest erupted
"from a popcorn kernel..perhaps-like a popcorn...odd for me otherwise!
"Now set in random direction...do you need- Now see
"Worry not of distant storms...suddenly worry not, seems old fashioned poetry where the rest isn't. Never fear? If you say worry not here then say in line two " here at dim of day" for instance!
Not quite happy with the finish for some reason.
Storms are in fashion for us aren't they Stan? Love to you from Ann.
Liked this verse:-
"Now set in random direction
determined by chaos
and of duration
short"
The short comes like a sudden surprise.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
scribbler
Mon, 2011-05-09 19:12
hello
I welcome your ideas and will refer back to them in edit. Thanks.................stan
scribbler
Mon, 2011-05-09 19:14
hi Lonnie
Guess this is easy to see I'm not much at free verse lol. But I'll keep trying it on occasion anyway . I appreciate your visiting...............stan
scribbler
Mon, 2011-05-09 19:15
hello Joe
thank you...........stan
loved
Mon, 2011-05-09 16:41
though not my cup of tea
but Stan
i still did enjoy it
loved
scribbler
Mon, 2011-05-09 19:16
hi loved
Free verse is not my forte either, but trying it seems to help my classic writing I think.............stan
scribbler
Mon, 2011-05-09 19:17
Shirl the pearl
I'm glad you enjoyed it...............stan