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Real Horror Story
Horror stories aren’t always about ghosts
Or goblins scaring us beyond belief
Watching a loved one in the last hours of life
Far exceeds any Halloween fears
Seeing a child with her days cut short
Rips out our heart and sucks the air from our lungs
Hearing the Doctor’s sad response
Brings tears to our eyes and knives to our chest
A picture unable to exist in our thoughts and words
Is a true horror story that scares us to death!
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-10-12 19:30
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses the theme of real-life horror to evoke strong emotions in the reader. The imagery is vivid and poignant, particularly in lines such as "rips out our heart and sucks the air from our lungs" and "brings tears to our eyes and knives to our chest". These metaphors effectively convey the intense pain and fear associated with the situations described.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter. The lines vary significantly in length and syllable count, which can disrupt the flow of the poem and distract from the powerful imagery. Experimenting with different poetic forms could help to create a more consistent rhythm.
Additionally, the poem could delve deeper into the specific emotions and experiences associated with the situations described. Rather than simply stating that these situations are horrifying, the poem could explore why they are horrifying and how they affect the speaker on a personal level. This could add depth and complexity to the poem, making it even more impactful.
Lastly, the final line of the poem, "Is a true horror story that scares us to death!", could be rephrased to avoid the cliché phrase "scares us to death". Using more original and unexpected language could make this line more powerful and memorable.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
Sat, 2024-10-12 13:53
Totally agree
Horror has many faces that are all ugly.
Your poem said it all
Best wishes. Good job
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Clentin
Sat, 2024-10-12 13:59
Thank you. Personal horror is
Thank you. Personal horror is worse than any standard story!
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-10-12 18:14
Dear Clentin,
I agree with Rula completely! Thanks for this, and good luck on the contest!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Clentin
Sat, 2024-10-12 18:19
Thank you Cat. Real horror is
Thank you Cat. Real horror is so devastating.
Leslie
Sun, 2024-10-13 03:38
Clentin...
It feels as though it's happening now. Great poem! We all have stories like these!
Our dreams lost! Lost on an ocean of turmoil! Soon a solution will arrive! Until then I will write!
Clentin
Sun, 2024-10-13 08:00
Thank you for your comments,
Thank you for your comments, greatly appreciated.
Geezer
Sun, 2024-10-13 09:39
Yes, Clentin...
So true! I think that the reason that we make up horror stories is to try and out do
the ones that life hands us; to make us feel like there are worse things awaiting us, rather than the natural horrors of just living. I can appreciate the thoughts behind this one. Not a thing that I can point to, to make this better. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Clentin
Sun, 2024-10-13 12:30
Thanks for reading and
Thanks for reading and comments.
I really appreciate your help, comments and suggestions!