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DENNIS THE PEST
Dennis was a menace
and when he hung around
in a pack he was worse
A curve elevated his cheeks
and a morning wave to the
neighbours fooled them
To think this is the authentic
him. A decent sympathetic
Boy.
But under that mask was
a prankster and a mischievous
dark you tuber and influencer.
He waited until the night doused
Itself in a coat of darkness
because that would be the perfect
opportunity to carry out the
blueprint of his plan.
The airness in his feet breezed
through like silent padded moccasins
as he crept along his neighbours
gate, trespassing like a stealthy ninja
hushing past guards.
His eyes suddenly flew open in
horror. A porch light white as moon
blasted right at him highlighting
his intrusion.
But his confusion soon thawed out
and he became un pegged. He quickly
glided to a batch of bins to take cover
and breathe out the worry.
like a shadow shielded in his
hood he drifted to a hundred
foot coil pipe and nozzle.
and wrapped his fist around it
taking it for a walk and then
feeding into the maw of their
letterbox undetected.
running back with an snigger
etched into his face. He began
twisting the tap to full belt while
his
neighbours were upstairs
snoozing under the fastened
flicking silver stars bejeweled
above their roof.
The black endless belt secretly
concealed Dennises cruelty and
mischievous nature.
He turned on his phone, that punched
out a warm glow, then sat tight waiting
for his audience while recording.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2024-10-03 11:32
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Dennis the Pest" effectively uses descriptive language and vivid imagery to create a narrative about a mischievous character. The structure of the poem, however, could use some refinement.
The poem would benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. The current structure is somewhat disjointed, with varying line lengths and inconsistent rhyming patterns. This can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it more difficult for readers to follow the narrative.
The poem also uses a variety of metaphors and similes, such as "like a stealthy ninja" and "like a shadow shielded in his hood". While these can be effective tools for creating vivid imagery, the poem may benefit from a more consistent use of figurative language. Some of the metaphors and similes seem to be used randomly, without contributing to the overall theme or narrative of the poem.
The poem also introduces several different ideas and themes, such as the character's mischievous nature, his use of technology, and his interactions with his neighbors. While these are all interesting elements, the poem may benefit from a more focused exploration of one or two of these themes. This would allow for a more cohesive narrative and a deeper exploration of the character's motivations and actions.
Overall, the poem has a strong narrative and effective use of descriptive language, but could benefit from a more consistent structure and a more focused exploration of its themes.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-10-03 07:36
hello Jokerface,
In this line:
and breath out the worry. (I think you want breathe) my favorite lines are:
like a shadow shielded in his
hood he drifted to a hundred
foot coil pipe and nozzle.
and wrapped his fist around it
taking it for a walk and then
feeding into the maw of their
letterbox undetected
In my mind, I could see this scene play out! Nicely done! much luck to you, *hugs, Cat
*
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Jokerface82
Thu, 2024-10-03 12:02
Thank you
Yup I'll change that lol
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