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UNRESOLVED SOULS
They all left that day know
doors to rap on just empty
expressionless panes on
a stripe of abadoned unfilled
living quarters
cars vacant, an empty
dusty shell. Know where
to transverse. Circuits of
abandoned tubes of roads
and bands of cycleways
with no riders
Only the light scorching
the dark spilling from a
barren streetlight and nuzzling
winds scattering blood red
leaves where animated
The chrome warm
glow was kidnapped
by the milky ghostly
cords of moonlight
guarded by the smokey
shields that floated like
phantoms. The neighborhood
suddenly was flooded
with belts of ghoul grey mist
swallowing the district with
devil's swollen steam and
shadows.
a haunting scene and a more
disappointing halloween.
ten year old Ben wanted his
parents and friends to share
it with.
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2024-10-02 10:40
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem, "Unresolved Souls," exhibits a strong sense of atmosphere and a keen eye for detail. The use of vivid and evocative imagery, such as "expressionless panes," "dusty shell," and "ghoul grey mist," effectively establishes a sense of desolation and eeriness.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of punctuation and capitalization. The lack of punctuation can make the poem difficult to read and understand, potentially distracting from the overall message and impact.
The narrative turn towards the end, introducing the character of ten-year-old Ben, is intriguing. However, it might be more effective if the poem provided some foreshadowing or hints about this character earlier on, to create a more cohesive narrative arc.
The use of language in the poem is generally effective, but there are some instances where the choice of words could be reviewed for clarity. For example, in the line "a stripe of abadoned unfilled living quarters," the meaning of "stripe" is unclear.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more careful exploration of its central theme. The title, "Unresolved Souls," suggests a focus on unresolved issues or emotions, but this theme isn't fully developed in the poem. Developing this theme more explicitly could add depth and resonance to the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-10-03 07:20
Dear Jokerface,
This i an absolutely haunting tale for the holiday on October 31st! my favorite lines are:
with belts of ghoul grey mist
swallowing the district with
devil's swollen steam and
shadows.
a haunting scene and a more
disappointing halloween.
ten year old Ben wanted his
parents and friends to share
it with.
good luck on the contest!
*hugs, Cat
*
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