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Moth to a Flame
She is like a naked flame starved of oxygen.
White hot but almost exhausted,
Weary like a candle at the end of its life.
I’m a blind, deranged moth
Excited to be flying towards her cold fire,
Eager to be engulfed by her,
Hypnotized and confused by one last flicker of light.
A moth has no mouth
Still, I wanted to lick her flame,
One last taste of her tongue,
A final kiss before extinction.
Just before I reached her, she blew out,
Extinguished by a winter wind
Her soot and ashes
Were just dead memories of a failed love.
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Free verse
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-07-27 23:20
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The imagery in your poem "Moth to a Flame" is vivid and evocative, creating a sense of longing and inevitability. The metaphor of the moth drawn to the flame is powerful, symbolizing desire, risk, and ultimately, loss. The contrast between the moth's blind excitement and the flame's weariness adds depth to the narrative.
Consider exploring the theme of temptation further. What does the flame represent beyond a failed love? Is there a deeper meaning or lesson to be drawn from the moth's pursuit and ultimate disappointment? Additionally, you may want to experiment with the structure of the poem to enhance its impact. Playing with line breaks or stanza organization could help emphasize key moments and emotions.
Overall, your poem effectively captures the bittersweet nature of desire and its consequences. By delving deeper into the symbolism and refining the structure, you can further enrich the reader's experience and strengthen the thematic resonance of your work.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Leslie
Sat, 2024-07-27 20:49
Sen99
If I understand what metaphors are, this is a beautiful use of them. The woman being the flame and the man the deranged moth. The ending is sad because his expectations were not fulfilled. In any event I caught the meaning. Beautifully creative and yet sad. A great poem.
Our dreams lost! Lost on an ocean of turmoil! Soon a solution will arrive! Until then I will write!
Sen99
Sun, 2024-07-28 09:59
Thank you Leslie
for reading my poem and insightful comments, I share your optimism about the words and their power, the unity of our many languages. They can certainly inspire and change our thinking !
author commentRoseBlack
Sun, 2024-07-28 04:47
Wow
This was beautiful...failed love...wanting just one more moment before it was over ..very eloquently written...good job.
~RoseBlack~
Sen99
Sun, 2024-07-28 10:00
Wow back to you
just one more moment but denied
Thanks for reading and your kind comments
author commentCandlewitch
Sun, 2024-07-28 07:25
Dear Sen99
I completely agree with the comments (so eloquently stated) above mine. I much enjoyed this! My favorite lines are:
A moth has no mouth
Still, I wanted to lick her flame,
One last taste of her tongue,
A final kiss before extinction.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Sen99
Sun, 2024-07-28 10:05
Glad you enjoyed this
Dear Cat thank you for reading and writing this
Regards
Sen
author commentLavender
Mon, 2024-07-29 21:34
Moth To A Flame
Hello, Sen,
I like the build up and tension felt in this. I agree with AI that the metaphor is very powerful, especially since it is carried steadily all the way through the poem. (The first line of the last stanza has a small tense issue - you may want to change "reach" to "reached" so that it will coincide with "blew.")
Wonderful rich imagery!
Thank you!
L
Sen99
Tue, 2024-07-30 16:14
Hello Lavender
Thank you for your kind comments, I realise moth to a flame is a common image, a figure of speech, I took it a bit further, will use your suggestion and make the amendment to the last stanza.
Regards
Sen
author commentWords Ablaze
Mon, 2024-08-05 04:37
Strong stuff. Hard emotional
Strong stuff. Hard emotional imagery. Hard hitting close. "Extinguished by a winter wind", very nice. We have a saying here in BW that loosely translates to...."unholy is that thing that doesn't meet it's end" and love is damn holy isn't it?
Sen99
Mon, 2024-08-05 17:48
A burning passion
Thanks for reading and your critique, its nice you felt the emotion in this poem. Love is holy but I guess our desires lead us to foolishness as well, we can easily get burned,
author commentWords Ablaze
Sun, 2024-08-11 02:11
You said it...
You said it...