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I can dance

Submitted by kowque on Thu, 2024-07-18 14:24

Sometimes
I close my eyes
It's dizzying,
Feeling something-
As pure.

It reminds me,
As much
As I want to,
I'm not dead.

I meet my maker,
Each time
I experience the headiness.

Now, do I sacrifice,
More?
To feel that moment
Once. Again

To what end?

My End?

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2024-07-18 20:30

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

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Geezer

Fri, 2024-07-19 11:38

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You need to fix your punctuation.
I like the poem a lot, just hard to read because of the commas.
This is how it should appear:

Sometimes
I close my eyes
It's dizzying,
Feeling something
As pure.

It reminds me,
As much
As I want to,
I'm not dead.

I meet my maker,
Each time
I experience the headiness.

Now, do I sacrifice,
More?
To feel that moment
Once [again], . I changed the word [more], to again, to avoid the repetition of the word more.
.It is up to you if you want to keep it.

To what end?

My end?

~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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kowque

Fri, 2024-07-19 15:44

kowque's picture

Allows me, to post
Without freezing

I'm going for your version

Thank you for your time

Koki

author comment

Geezer

Sat, 2024-07-20 08:57

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we are having some updating done, and the site has been a little wonky. Take your time, things are going well. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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