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Snake's deceptive game

Submitted by Tigger Kaz on Wed, 2023-06-07 18:00

Like a snake,
Their venom seeps,
As more and more,
Their evil creeps.

Wrapping around,
Its prey unsuspecting,
Ever sly,
that it's not expecting.

Crushing the voices,
Of the weak,
Until they can,
No longer speak.

And when the weak,
Have met their demise.
It will slither
Away in disguise.

Denying its part,
In all that's rotten,
Hoping that others,
Will have all forgotten.

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Last few words: 
In this poem the snake represents political power.
Editing stage: 
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Content level: 
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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2023-06-08 00:00

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Snake's deceptive game" utilizes the metaphor of a snake to describe a deceptive and harmful presence. To provide constructive feedback, here are some suggestions for improvement:

1. Imagery: The poem could benefit from more vivid and varied imagery. While the snake metaphor is consistent throughout, incorporating additional images or comparisons could enrich the poem and provide a more engaging experience for the reader.

2. Rhythm and meter: The poem's rhythm and meter are somewhat inconsistent. To create a more cohesive structure, consider adjusting the syllable count and stress patterns in each line to achieve a more consistent rhythm.

3. Word choice: Some words in the poem, such as "evil" and "rotten," can come across as clichéd. Replacing these words with more specific and original language could help to create a more distinctive voice and tone.

4. Theme development: The poem's theme of deception and harm is clear, but it could be further developed by exploring the motivations behind the snake's actions or the consequences of its behavior. This could add depth and complexity to the poem.

5. Punctuation: The punctuation in the poem is somewhat inconsistent, with some lines ending in commas and others in periods. Consistent punctuation can help to clarify the poem's structure and make it easier for the reader to follow.

Overall, the poem has a strong central metaphor and a clear theme, but could benefit from more varied imagery, a more consistent rhythm and meter, and further development of its theme.

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Geezer

Wed, 2023-06-07 21:53

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about the media? The stories they present? Maybe just a little hint, maybe?
~ Geezer.
.

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Tigger Kaz

Thu, 2023-06-08 14:45

Tigger Kaz's picture

No I had our politicians in mind, and one if the most corrupt governments in my lifetime.
Billions of pounds syphoned off during the pandemic, the lie that was Brexit and now the "Stop the boats" campaign our government is fixated on (throwing millions at with very little result).
Sorry I could wax lyrical about this lol

author comment

Geezer

Fri, 2023-06-09 09:21

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as you like, we are experiencing some [and some say all] of the same problems here. I think most of the so-called common people, are certainly cynical of the same old-same-old politics that serves the politician before the people. I think that when the people feel that they are not properly represented, they should get off their dead arse, and make sure they are voted out, instead of sitting back and saying that my vote doesn't count. Anyway, I feel that this poem could possibly have meant the media, from the lines:

"Like a snake,
Their venom seeps,
As more and more,
Their evil creeps".

This is a good piece of work. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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