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The Boundless Sea
I wish to know if my spirit could be bound
Like the seemingly endless sea we found
Nobody recalls the beginning of one’s life
Stormy times we go through, amounts of strife
I wish I could tack from New England to Old
See all the glorious stories I had been told
Yet I can only see but the sweep of a gull
Above our boat and off the beat up hull
I wish I knew the meaning of you
Endless sea of greenish blue
Where storms, then calm, bring satisfaction
Where there's really no thought or planned action
I wish to know if my spirt could be bound
Or if forever in you my soul be found
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Seren
Thu, 2023-02-16 06:11
Dear Mark
This is a solid write but the fourth lines in the first and third stanza could be a little smoother before I offer some ideas I have a question about the fourth line/third stanza
Should the - be like this
Where there really is no thought - planned action
Or this
Where there really is no thought-planned action
Because with the spaces between the dash it makes it confusing whether its thought-planned or thought - planned action.
I'm thinking it's an editing issue, I don't want to assume and make an ass out of myself
Kind regards Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
mark
Thu, 2023-02-16 15:42
Never Jayne not ever
Nobody (including you) would ever be frowned upon by me and should not be by anyone here for voicing an opinion after reading a poem (mine or anyone else's in this community).
[smiles for you]
I simply took that out lol
Seren
Fri, 2023-02-17 01:56
Dear Mark
BTW I feel like an idiot. I didn't realise your poem had won a competition so Congratulations!!.
Well done!!!
Kind regards Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
mark
Fri, 2023-02-17 02:28
Please don't feel that way
I activated my original account and need to resubmit the contest wins because of the anthology.
I knew I would lose all data but didn't realize the contest wins would go as well.
[smiles]
Geezer
Thu, 2023-02-16 09:04
Yup...
What she said. LoL Good stuff, just a little adjustment. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
mark
Thu, 2023-02-16 15:43
Done
Thanks..
Rosewood Apothecary
Thu, 2023-02-16 13:37
Well done
With a rigid format and with the theme and language. One of your best offerings.
Tim
mark
Thu, 2023-02-16 15:44
Thanks Tim
Thank you,