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THE PAIN THAT NEVER GOES AWAY
My life has a dominant bitter component,
I can no longer fix aright and feel better,
ever since my light has gone and waned,
I'm now fumbling around in total darkness.
My infectious smile is no longer attractive,
I'm disgruntled, dismayed, what a terrible life?
things turn bitter through no fault of mine,
or am I predestined to go through all this?
My academic years have gradually gone by,
I'm living every single day in my memories,
my hard earned grades now 'cut and wounds',
my heart bleeds in pain of the past but at last,
I'm not a loser, I am an achiever, a goer,
I'm already breaking limits before you all,
my time has ripened, I am in the spot light,
the staff of life is here now with the poet.
©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Comments
Geezer
Mon, 2022-09-12 16:40
Just a few little bumbles!
"I'm now fumb[ling] around [in] total darkness.
things turn bitter through no fault of mine
"or [am] I predestined to go through all [this]?
My academic years [have] gradually gone by
[I am] not a [loser]
my time has ripened, [I] am [in] the spotlight
Little things that will make it smoother.
Hope that things get better. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Jackweb
Mon, 2022-09-12 18:22
Nice job!
Thanks a lot Gee ...! Rightly fixed!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Ray Whitaker
Mon, 2022-09-12 16:52
Figurative?
You are seeing places in Life (lately) in your work that you have been writing about, and if this is another example, then you have nicely done “despondancy”. In other words, the maun character in this piece could be someone else, not yourself.
Geezer’s suggestions are ones that I might have made. I like the four line stanzas.
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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Jackweb
Mon, 2022-09-12 18:25
Oh, thanks!
Ray, the poem goes straight to me. It really happened.
That's my expression about it.
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"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Jackweb
Wed, 2022-09-14 21:17
Thanks Mark!
I appreciate you for your kind words. Would you please throw more light what you really mean by " Line 3 and possibly more to study.
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Jackweb
Thu, 2022-09-15 04:45
Ok.
Now I got your text right. Thanks !
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Jackweb
Thu, 2022-09-15 04:47
Ok.
Now I got your text right. Thanks !
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
scribbler
Tue, 2022-09-13 23:32
hello
The previous have provided suggestions I might have made so I will simply say good blank verse on a subject best understood by people who have built up some years
Jackweb
Wed, 2022-09-14 21:13
Ok
Thanks a lot Scrib for stopping by.
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"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb