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ephemeral
once
grew a glimmer of hope
in the eye of Time
a tenuous promise
in the tears of Duration
but in its fragility
it crumbled and dissolved
and fell
leaving a stain of sorrow
on one of Forever's footprints
.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
jane210660
Fri, 2016-06-10 12:08
Ephemeral
Ohhh, that's a good word, haven't seen it around much.
A sad and haunting poem, which keeps offering more with each reading.
Thank you for sharing. Jxx
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judyanne
Wed, 2016-06-29 08:14
hi Jane
Thank you so very much for the very supportive comment
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
raj
Fri, 2016-06-10 14:19
Hi Judyanne
I couldn't have expressed my opinion any better than Jane has done...that's exactly the experience after reading this crisp poem...
Free verse from the queen of meter and and strict form poetry is an amazing revelation...may be i haven't read much of your free form poems...
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
judyanne
Wed, 2016-06-29 08:22
lol raj
Thank you for the lovely comments - but 'queen' seems a little too high I think lol
actually, I've written a lot of free-form....
it's funny, as I seem to go in cycles - verse, free-form, verse, free-form....
thanks again raj
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
weirdelf
Fri, 2016-06-10 15:29
The second poem I've read tonight that used caps effectively.
This could be translated from the Japanese, apart from the lack of references to nature.
Gorgeous and genuinely profound.
Sorry, no crit.
Is Mutability a dirty word?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
judyanne
Wed, 2016-06-29 08:28
thank you Jess
Lol - there's no such thing as a 'dirty word'...
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Geezer
Sat, 2016-06-11 10:19
This certainly has...
a haunting quality about it! I enjoyed it much! Thanks, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
judyanne
Wed, 2016-06-29 08:32
hi Gee
Thank you so much for the visit and very kind comment
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
brittle light
Sat, 2016-06-11 10:46
the idea, concept, and follow
the idea, concept, and follow through, with clarity, and precision, along with choice descriptive words, all contribute to this; an outstandingly crafted precious piece of poetic treasure....that means I like it!
you did good..
Al
judyanne
Wed, 2016-06-29 08:35
hi Al
Thank you so very much for your awesomely supportive comment....
I'm really glad you think I did good
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Esker
Sat, 2016-06-11 13:35
yes
a short bittersweet work
If only I could cry
I have driven the rains
back
so I get to appreciate
the emotive feelings
in this expressed
and the use of
caps
excellent!
thank U Judyanne!
judyanne
Wed, 2016-06-29 08:37
thank you Steve
for your very supportive comment
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)