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Vision of Blue Elk
Vision of Blue Elk
You see it with your eyes closed,
After meeting the woman who
Feeds the
Deer,
Adam’s
Mother.
It is electric, a buck.
You chat with her first, she tells you
Her worries and you listen.
One Winter, by then, stressed,
Much later, the blue elk appears,
You have lost him already.
The elk fades, you made a
Wrong turn,
In the woods.
You must retrace the way
To the start and
Remain still until
The dawn confesses
The morning
To your weary hope for life.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
I'm always hesitant to use words like "vision" in a supernatural or mystical sense. Nevertheless, what is written there is true. I don't come down hard on either side of the divide when spirituality or religion appear in a poem or a conversation.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
Atlantic Canada
Favorite Poets
Allen Ginsberg, English classics.
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Comments
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-03-16 06:42
Hello Stewart,
Welcome to Neopoet. I see, you have just recently joined us. We are very happy that you have chosen our family of poets to share your work with.
I have read your poem and see it is not a gush and slush piece but one of substance. I will return to give it a proper critique, later. meanwhile please enjoy reading and critiquing other poet's work, here.
*always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Stewart Buxton
Sat, 2024-03-16 08:46
Thanks for your interest.
Thanks for your interest.
author commentGeezer
Sat, 2024-03-16 09:47
Another big welcome...
Nice to meet you. Glad that you have chosen to join our family.
I was just a bit confused by the injection of the line:
"One Winter, by then, stressed,"
Other than that, I followed it well.
I think the gist of the piece is that it is a spiritual journey;
and you communicated it well. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Stewart Buxton
Sat, 2024-03-16 10:57
Thank you. Glad to be here.
Thank you. Glad to be here.
author commentCandlewitch
Sat, 2024-03-16 11:12
Dear Stewart,
could the Blue Elk be your spirit guide?
my favorite lines are:
You must retrace the way
To the start and
Remain still until
The dawn confesses
The morning
To your weary hope for life.
The last line speaks to me of many people I have known or met...it is there to read in the dull glazed over eyes...
*always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Stewart Buxton
Mon, 2024-03-18 04:32
Thanks for your comments.
That was a spirit animal in that moment. Unhappily, the one longing was me, but that has passed and the journey still is still magical at times.
author commentStewart Buxton
Thu, 2024-03-21 04:22
Thanks so much.
Thanks so much.
author commentWords Ablaze
Wed, 2024-03-20 03:41
Stewy!! Ssup my man
Yea I like especially the last stanza, "the dawn confesses the morning...
But in general the whole poem keeps me in the dark, I see and feel that there's is a reverting topic being held but I can't follow, much like I'm missing a lot of context... Like I um arriving on an emotionally charged scene but I don't know how things got there...
I guess my point is you really got to hold my hand as if I was a blind child all through the poem guide me through it when you write it.. Don't spare any detail, connect it all for me.
I hope I make a bit of sense...
Stewart Buxton
Thu, 2024-03-21 04:24
The action: a neighbour with
The action: a neighbour with a troubled son at home named Adam. She lives nearby and on a difficult night, the vision came to me, but I haven’t seen her since. The vision is gone too. Hope that helps, Zibo.
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