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Upon Awakening

Submitted by Rosewood Apothecary on Thu, 2022-08-25 07:42

One day I woke up and I’d just had enough
Is this my life? What do I want from it?
Sometimes the answers were coarse and rough
Synonymous with what I’d always run from

I wrote quite awhile, and cried so much more
Searched for myself upon page after page
What is my story and what is the score
Why all the sadness and anger and rage

I’m finding some answers but mostly I’ll get
Questions that dive a bit deeper inside
Floodgates now open, my cheeks often wet
Openly offer what once I would hide

My circle got smaller, but I kept a few
Friends whom I love that do not fear the change
Some will move closer when you’re living true
Others will simply fall out of your range

This paradigm shifting, my energy changed
Bigger and brighter, new friends gravitate
Who bask in the depths, can grasp all the range
When the mind is aligned to a heart that’s awake

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

How was my language use?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2022-08-25 09:53

I think this introspective

I think this introspective piece can use a little attention to the meter.

I know that the change I propose in the first stanza, doesn't quite say what
the replacement line says, but it's close?

How about? - Is this my life? Why do I feel so dumb?

Add a syllable and take one here and there and this is very good stuff.

Searching for myself [on] page after page -Search[ed]for myself upon page after page

What [is] my story and what is the score?

Finding some answers, but mostly I'll get

Floodgates now open, [my] cheeks often wet

Openly offer what once I would hide

My circle got smaller... I kept a few - I'm not sure if this really works but...

This paradigm shifting, energy changed

Who bask in the depths, can grasp all the range

When the mind is married to heart awake

Of course, as always, such advice is yours to keep, use parts of and just outright ignore.
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Rosewood Apothecary

Thu, 2022-08-25 10:20

Burning muffins

Yeah it’s sloppy. I was burning my kid’s breakfast and trying to crank one out. I’ll check it out later. Thanks.

Tim

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2022-08-25 12:04

I get that way too. Sometimes, I have something I want to say and want to get it down before I forget. I guess the kids got cereal this morning. Or like I saw on FB, the mom who made grilled cheese sandwiches and served them burnt side down and hoped they wouldn't notice? Lots of catsup can sometimes fix a thing like that. LoL
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Rosewood Apothecary

Thu, 2022-08-25 12:20

Sapphire

Check your inbox.

author comment

RoseBlack

Sat, 2022-08-27 08:09

I like this

Reminds me of my own recent assessment of myself and my life. I've reached a cross roads and decided to implement changes that if they work out, will be a game changer. Good job.

~RoseBlack~

Neopoet

Upon Awakening