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Triolet - Love's Promise
She promised faithful love forever more,
a paramour with no regard to time
revived a heart once crushed and split in twain.
She promised faithful love forever more
to grow from strength to even greater gain,
what we then shared can’t ever be denied.
She promised faithful love forever more,
a paramour with no regard to time.
Editing stage:
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United Kingdom (Scotland)
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Robert Burns, Robert Lewis Stevenson, Kipling., I like things childish.
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Comments
Rula
Mon, 2016-05-16 13:47
I like this
Mr. Logan. The sentiments show without being clichéd.
I also liked the 'more'/ 'paramour' eternal rhyme.
Thank you for sharing.
PS. I assume that your discard of the punctuation towards the end intentional?
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Keith Logan
Mon, 2016-05-16 15:26
Nope
just sloppy cut and paste.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
author commentjane210660
Mon, 2016-05-16 15:20
See you're writing in
See you're writing in triolets again :-)
As Rula says, the sentiments show and it's not over blousey.
Jx
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Keith Logan
Tue, 2016-05-17 01:44
A challenge
I just can't resist. As I always say, I can't stand sitting.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
author commentjudyanne
Tue, 2016-05-17 03:39
nice triolet Keith
I have trouble with the meter of:
'what we then shared can’t ever be denied'
Does
'and what we shared can never be denied' say the same thing?
Is 'forevermore' one word?
Good to see you picking up a challenge :-)
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Keith Logan
Tue, 2016-05-17 05:02
Well
it is very nearly the same meaning and is very smooth. I'll think about it, which I never meant to do. It more or less wrote itself, as a simple throw away piece.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
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