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A tribute to my MOTHER

Submitted by Tiffany Smith on Thu, 2023-05-18 01:40

You weren't here long enough.
I didn't get to see you grow old.
You never met your great-grandson, he's courageous and bold.
When I think of you, it is with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat.
I miss you Mom.
You gave me hope.
You made me smile through all the pain
and I wish I could have returned the favor one day.
I will never again take for granted those moments we are given and I will try to not squander them away.
I should of cherished you more while you were here, but that's water under the bridge I fear.
At least you have Dad with you up there.
I would hate for him to be without you too.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Workshop: 
Navigating Neopoet: New Member Workshop
Contest: 
A Tribute To Mother
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2023-05-18 01:40

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

/5

This poem is a heartfelt tribute to the author's mother, expressing the pain of her loss and the regret of not cherishing her more while she was alive. The use of personal pronouns and direct address to the mother add a personal touch to the poem, making it more relatable and emotional. However, the poem lacks depth and originality in its language and imagery, with some lines feeling clichéd or simplistic.

One suggested line edit: "I should have cherished you more while you were here, but that's a regret I fear." This change adds more emphasis to the speaker's regret, making it more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Thu, 2023-05-18 14:58

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This poem shows the love of a child for their mother!
Your title needs straightening.
I like the letter-like writing, and the tender confession
that you wish you had devoted more time to letting your mother know
that you loved and appreciated her more than you had, while she was still alive.
This is a letter that I know a lot of people will relate to.
Well done! ~ Geezer.
.

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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Tiffany Smith

Mon, 2023-05-22 21:03

Tiffany Smith's picture

thank you for your feedback. i greatly appreciate it

Tiffany K. Smith

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Geezer

Mon, 2023-05-22 23:36

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Is spelled mother.~ Geezer.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Tiffany Smith

Tue, 2023-05-23 14:23

Tiffany Smith's picture

yes typo sorry

Tiffany K. Smith

author comment

Geezer

Tue, 2023-05-23 15:45

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fix it, edit. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Tiffany Smith

Wed, 2023-05-24 23:43

Tiffany Smith's picture

geezer, I am new here and I am just learning the ins and outs of everything. I am curious to know if your rudeness extends to everyone or do i just rub you the wrong way with my typos and such??

Tiffany K. Smith

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2023-05-25 06:37

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if I seemed rude. I didn't mean to. I guess I should have been more understanding about you being new here. Please accept my apologies. I think that I was upset that you didn't fix it when it was pointed out to you, because you seem to be so good at this and it seemed such a simple thing to fix, that I assumed you were being lazy. I look forward to your next post and I think that you are a good poet who will do well here. I'm glad you called me out. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Ruby Lord

Thu, 2023-05-25 05:56

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Hi Tiffany, I enjoyed your poem. You gave a lot of yourself in that poem, it feels personal and very touching.
Language = The pronouns used, I, you, he, add emotional layers within the poem.
Rhyme & Pattern = Your poem is a mixture of rhyme and free verse, it works and it is a great poem you could use to build on.
Overall the flow was good and I enjoyed it. Ruby :)

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

Tiffany Smith

Thu, 2023-05-25 18:10

Tiffany Smith's picture

thank you. I admit, I am a bit on the sensitive side since i have never shared my poems with anyone before. this is all very new to me. Thank you for supporting me :)

Tiffany K. Smith

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2023-05-25 22:16

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that you haven't shared with anyone before. I will assume that you have shared with some friends and family, but I am surprised that you haven't been coaxed into sharing on a poetry site. I am so glad that you chose us and hope that you flourish here. Remember that I am here, and I will help you anyway I can. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Tiffany Smith

Sat, 2023-05-27 00:19

Tiffany Smith's picture

I thank you. I honestly have only shared with my husband and that has only been in the last 8 years. It used to infuriate my first husband i wouldn't let him read any of them. I was too afraid of being criticized. Now i can take a little bit of constructive criticism :) I think. I appreciate everyone being so supportive, I'm not used to that outside of my family. I hope to flourish here as well.

Tiffany K. Smith

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