For 5 years I’ve watched myself from a distance
Been enraged, and at peace, with my existence
Stubbornly enslaved to my hormonal visions
Unnecessary weight on all my decisions
I’ve taken comfort in being a follower
Discontent until they said “Yeah I like her”
Maybe if I spent less time with my reputation,
I might have found the reason for my desperate need of admiration

I won’t miss the venomous creeping eyes
The presence of judgement, fake smiles, and lies
The lack of empathy through conflict
Head down, walking the halls seen as a convict
I’ve appreciated my time in this environment
I felt the benefit
I learned, I grew, I changed
I cried, I loved, I’ve become estranged
But everything here I’ve done
It’s pretty meaningless in the long-run

I fell in love, more than I’d like to admit
And helplessly watched as he fell out of it
The late nights stargazing
With every second, my heart rate raising
Singing almost every song, the rest in sync we dismissed
Who knew I’d be next on his list
It was my first heartbreak
The pain still consumes me in a dull ache
Though I appeared tough on the outside
Flashbacks would haunt me until the day I died
I did things younger me wouldn’t approve of
But she had never been in love

I felt joy in its purest form
The beautiful periods of quiet before the storm
All the strange places i went
And the text messages I impulsively sent
Parties with guys acting on every intrusive thought
Oozing drunken charm that no sane person would’ve bought
Dancing in neon lights with music blasting
In those moments I was everlasting

Although I’ve had the “high school experience”
Full of fun, and nothing too serious.
Over the last 5 years, I’ve met people I’ll never forget
The ones I’ll miss the most I haven’t processed are leaving yet
I’ll stay here with the memories for awhile
Close my eyes and make my peace with denial
Reminiscing of our every endeavour
I know I can’t lie here forever
But the sun shines bright in the afterglow
And it just hurts sometimes to let go