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Then I Shall Live... Again
When the chosen time has come
Bright light shall take
The crown from darkness
Then I shall live... Again
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Wed, 2012-02-29 12:38
Hello,
Welcome to neo poet! I like your title as it is pertinent to the message of the poem. Your language usage is good. The lines flow well. A short eloquent piece.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Al-Kanya
Wed, 2012-02-29 16:24
Thanks Cat. I count it good
Thanks Cat. I count it good fortune when others present their coments on my work because my believe is; the more they do it, the more I learn to write without errors!
author commentEduardo Cruz
Wed, 2012-02-29 17:20
Al,
Welcome to Neopoet, "land of the freed poets"
It is such a pleasure to have new poets to the site, I am looking forward to reading your work.
I like your poem alot, even thought I do not believe in that sort of thing.
I love when people write this way, short and to the point.
Now to the critic, I feel that the first line should be "has come," I think it will sound better and keep with the context of the poem. it is not incorrect what you have written it just sound better to me.
I have copied and pasted your poem here, so you can read it with the change, that is only my opinion. in the end it's your poem.
Eddie
--------------------------------------------------
When the chosen time has come
Bright light shall take
The crown from darkness
Then I shall live... Again
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Al-Kanya
Wed, 2012-02-29 17:35
Thanx alot Eddie, I do
Thanx alot Eddie, I do appriciate your point of view. I would always love to learn from others point of views, after all, I believe in listening more then saying less!!
author commentEduardo Cruz
Wed, 2012-02-29 22:08
Al,
when you have a chance, read my poem
Myth, Fairytale and Reality?
http://www.neopoet.com/eduardo-cruz/blog/wed-2012-02-08-1758
Eddie
PS. if you ever what to change something in a poem after posting just hit edit, then just re-post.
then just let everyone know by writing edit or revision after the title.
if you need help with anything you can leave me a message on the site.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
loved
Wed, 2012-02-29 21:12
you are
unique
welcome on board
loved
Al-Kanya
Thu, 2012-03-01 01:39
Thanks!!
Thanks!!
author commentweirdelf
Thu, 2012-03-01 03:38
Exquisite wordcrafting
And welcome to Neopoet.
A deplorable message to an atheist like me. We don't wait for a saviour, we work to make ourselves better, yet whatever inspires poetry is something that is innately good.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Al-Kanya
Thu, 2012-03-01 04:56
Thanx alot, I find my saviour
Thanx alot, I find my saviour in poetry.
author comment