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Tapestries of Fate

Submitted by Rosewood Apothecary on Wed, 2023-06-21 05:47

Something kinder this way walks
The ether feels lighter against my being
Focus birthing new beginnings
What once was hidden I’m now seeing

Hearing voices on the wind
Sweet songs both new and timeless call
I will answer loud and true
Shockwaves breaking down these walls

Beyond the crumbled detritus
A whole new world patiently waits
What may come and what might be
Woven tapestries of fate

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Wed, 2023-06-21 10:02

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fate is an ever-changing thing. We can't always make it what we want, we can only push it aside for a new one.
I like the idea of feeling Fate as a living enity, something birthed from what we do each day, changing as it will.

This is a good piece, leaving a good taste in my mouth and feeling in my heart.
Nothing to change, as far as I can see. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Unca Fez

Wed, 2023-06-21 17:42

Unca Fez's picture

The whole feeling of the poem is forward-looking and positive. I hope that I can maintain that attitude most of the time.

The only change I would make is replace "awaits" with "waits". The rhythm feels better.

Thanx,
Steve

Rosewood Apothecary

Thu, 2023-06-22 12:02

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Made that change. I fully agree it flows much better with the removal of one syllable. Thanks for reading and critiquing.

Tim

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