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Syllabus
Leaning with my tousled
head the morning like
a gin cloud
my girl speaks in alphabets
her voice a tainted angel
loud
A tinsel tack with money
back the dealers out of town
and were riding 6B junction
down to the suicide corner
out of town
all of the plans arise and
fall sound of tenant television
in the halls
shes wearing day old Bergamot
the paisley shirt
the tired skirt
the hot expanse of morning
sun glints off chrome
like a stomach held snub
nosed instigator
like a smooth talking
laid back hip persuader
and the undulations
through street names
churning
like the black top
girls
texting
and the boys in the
back flexing
we are riding
riding
riding
going now where
from nothing
drifting on the Syllabus
cause we love
to move
the wave in us.........
Editing stage:
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Comments
eightmenout
Fri, 2013-03-08 11:53
Thanks for the ride
I enjoyed the ride. Nice work. If i may suggest, though, in stanza 7 that the two "likes" break the flow a little bit. Perhaps removing the second like or re-writing the line. Not sure, just a suggestion. Again, enjoyed it.
Scott
Esker
Sat, 2013-03-09 15:25
Dark..like spring..moving into light....
I write words twice often
in my poetry..
I sometimes edit also
starting to go back now
in the last handful and
make changes
Thank You for the comment!
Frenchf
Sat, 2013-03-09 17:51
You describe life well
I've not got that ability to couch the scenes in words!
Esker
Sun, 2013-03-10 07:45
Frenchf we all have this ablity
its right here.. in all of us!!