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Supersaturated
I am a sponge, I absorb
Nothing passes through me
These thoughts can't ever leave me
I feel myself getting heavy
weighted down, pulled down, forced down
by this terrible collection of things
that never seems to end
sopping wet with my sorrows
a barren burden
too close to escape,
can't talk, can't think, can't BREATHE
My skin itches, my head pulses
with the pressure of piercing pins,
pushing deep through me
Refusing to let go.
If you won't let me go,
can you at least loosen your grip?
Around my neck?
Don't squeeze so hard?
But you laugh
what a stupid request
stupid to hope
for relief
even more stupid to hope
for release
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I write very dark, but this is not really who I am.
Editing stage:
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Comments
medes879
Thu, 2019-10-10 17:02
Very Deep Thoughts....
you are loved even if it doesn't think like that..Build up on faith with Jesus he will never let you down...Prayer opens a new doorway opened by which to explore.. I went through episodes of depression that you wouldn't believe but when it's all good say or known...Christ will lift you up above the sorrow...Amen
Mario Vitale
Barbara Writes
Fri, 2019-10-11 00:30
well written
your rhythm flowed well in writing and thought...I was able to follow the pain from beginning to end...the sponge is good for this piece....as sponges soak up and hold everything....If you squeeze (Act a fool) some of the things that pain will seep out if the things that causing the pain won't let up..but then that's me ...great poem
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
c lynn brooks
Fri, 2019-10-11 19:26
stanzas 2.3
both end in me I would suggest leaving the second me off the thought still carries through without love the rest of the work
Chrys
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ThisIsMe
Wed, 2020-01-01 11:51
Re
Yes, I definitely see how that could be redundant. I kind of tend to write the way I speak it in my head and I just like the way it sounds to have them both there.
author commentmedes879
Mon, 2019-10-14 23:26
Amazing Write
Love the daring and jostling style of this piece. There is a healthy irreverence for semantics, diving straight into bold word crafting and spellings which force me to narrow and broaden my gaze one at and the same time to coerce meaning from these lines. You spin a yarn worthy of Joyce. I hear these lines recited over a bottle of rum, an oak table smothered in cigarette burns, held aloft by the rapt attention of pub goers looking for something to compliment their daily dose of insanity. A well deserved front page pick I must say I enjoyed every word of this. Your closing line is classic and is heavy with truth and wisdom, something we all need to digest from time to time, but are rarely if ever fed. Keep them coming!
Amazing3
Mario Vitale
Rottiestyl
Tue, 2019-10-15 01:34
Hi Thisisme
It was a great piece. this line: sopping wet with my sorrows
pulled it all together for me. It matched the title and the subject of letting things get in but they cant get out without a overflow.
Very nice!
Rottie
Pegasus was a genius,
living within a suit of difference.
He liked what he was,
nodded in respect and
simply flew . . . away.
By: K. Mulroney
" I am who I am, say what I say, do what I do. With no apology."
ThisIsMe
Wed, 2020-01-01 11:45
RE
Hey, thanks for the suggestions. And thanks for taking the time to read my stuff, it's very encouraging. I'm glad you enjoyed this poem, I would love to hear your input of future pieces!
author commentGeezer
Fri, 2019-11-15 16:35
Deep stuff...
I like this and can't find fault with anything. It certainly flows well and I had no trouble in feeling the emotion. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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ThisIsMe
Wed, 2020-01-01 11:47
RE
Thanks so much. This is why I love poetry, words are powerful and can evoke emotions deep within us. I'm happy to hear it did that for you.
author commentThisIsMe
Wed, 2020-01-01 11:49
RE
T
author commentSparrow 42
Sun, 2019-11-17 04:12
This is me
I will comment when I see that you are replying to the other poets comments..
Please reply and comment on others
As this is how we progress on Neopoet,
Yours Ian T ..
Words can build a nation
Sparrow 42
Wed, 2020-01-01 18:54
This is me
A great write just be careful of writing about something that isn't true..
I am a sponge, I absorb.. Nothing passes through me..
A natural sponge has holes that go right through it.
So I would put that line as:-
I am a false sponge, I absorb.. Nothing passes through me..
This wont change the piece one bit but will be true..
Hope you wont mind me saying this, it's why the real sponges are so expensive.
I hope you have a lovely new year and thank you for replying to the comments it gives our site a better depth,
Take care Yours as always Ian ..
Words can build a nation
ThisIsMe
Thu, 2020-01-30 12:43
Re
That is an interesting nuance I did not consider. Yes, sponges do have holes, but in my mind, the concept of a sponge is to soak up things and hold them within. A sponge would be pretty useless if it allowed liquids to pass right through them.
author commentThisIsMe
Thu, 2020-01-30 12:44
Re
That is an interesting nuance I did not consider. Yes, sponges do have holes, but in my mind, the concept of a sponge is to soak up things and hold them within. A sponge would be pretty useless if it allowed liquids to pass right through them.
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