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Still

Submitted by Hotlicks on Thu, 2016-02-11 21:23

I still can’t walk away from all that was me and you
Knowing all that’s left is memories of all that we went through
And I still cling to your photo and keep a shirt or two
Maybe because it’s still part of me or maybe it’s still part of you
And I still remember all the times I held you close
For you always knew I was the one who loved you the most
I still find myself wandering all the places we once knew
It all seems so empty now without you
I still remember all the things we use to do and how sweet it was.. You know
Just being there with you no matter where we would go
For you made everything so special like christmas and white snow
And I still hear your voice helping me along
Through all my hard times almost like a song
I still remember all the things you shared with me
All the lessons I needed on my path to be free
And I haven’t found anything to fill my empty heart
And still there hasn’t been a new love now that we’re apart
For a part of me is missing and I know not where to start
Because I always came to you for the matters of the heart

___________________________________________By Michael Bove’

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
wrote this after death of my wife....I thought I expressed these feelings well...anyway wanted to share it
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

themoonman

Tue, 2016-02-23 05:59

themoonman's picture
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Thank you for sharing. To be honest, it needs some
work, the rhyme scheme is simple, some sentences
are too long and rob from the intensity of the theme,
just one man's opinion though, again, thank you for
sharing.

Hotlicks

Tue, 2016-02-23 10:06

Hotlicks's picture

I agree...its a work in progress....I believe I have almost captured the feelings...its just getting the works to flow smoothly

Michael Bove'

author comment

Hotlicks

Tue, 2016-02-23 10:32

Hotlicks's picture

Still
I still can’t walk away from all that was me and you
Knowing all that’s left is memories of all we went through
And I still cling to your photo and keep a shirt or two
Maybe because it’s still part of me or maybe it’s still part of you
I still remember holding you close
You always knew I loved you the most
I still wander the places we once knew
It all seems so empty now without you
I still remember all the things we use to do
How it was just being there with you
I still hear your voice helping me along
In all my hard times like a soft sweet song
I still remember the learning you shared with me
All the lessons on my path you let me see
Now I haven’t found anything to fill my empty heart
And still there isn’t a new love now that we’re apart
For a part of me is missing and I know not where to start
Because I always came to you for the matters of the heart

___________________________________________By Michael Bove’

Michael Bove'

author comment

themoonman

Wed, 2016-02-24 21:31

themoonman's picture
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If you edit the poem, the edit program will
automatically copy the original and any progression
can be seen side by side.

themoonman

Hotlicks

Sun, 2016-02-28 17:36

Hotlicks's picture

ah..ok...well I did edit it....hope it is a bit more cleaner

Michael Bove'

author comment
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