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For Stan

Submitted by wesley snow on Tue, 2014-02-25 08:06

This stroll I’ve taken time and times before.
Each moment was as pleasant as the last.
I’ve seen the trees and harkened to Stan’s lore
while trodding grass as green as days long past.
For green and lush they were spite all the pain
and now I can recall the loveliness.
The fear is still remembered, but as gain;
those lessons learned that helped me to address
the joys and how to keep them close to me.
And so I walk again with my old friend
to gaze at flowers red and blue he sees.
We pass old huts whose roofs begin to bend.
Like us they now walk slowly in the sun.
I hear a mockingbird who, like a hawk,
keens sharply causing rabbits near to run.
No need to give a voice to quiet talk,
the sound the path makes is enough for us.
We two are old and like the huts we creak,
so I thank Stan without the need to speak.
Yes, old now and if wiser we don’t know.
Mistakes seem fewer, although just as hard,
but still we’ve come here time and times before
and I’ll keep coming back as life retards.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Thank you Stan for all the lovely walks.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Rula

Tue, 2014-02-25 08:20

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do I feel a bit envious? Too envious in fact (winks)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

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Rula

Tue, 2014-02-25 08:42

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this is a delight to read. I see you're ready for the imagery workshop while I am still crawling, looking for some extraordinary images :)
Thanks for sharing.

PS. Never seen blue flowers, I went googling it just to find this in wikipedia;

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_flower

A blue flower (German: Blaue Blume) is a central symbol of inspiration. It stands for desire, love, and the metaphysical striving for the infinite and unreachable. It symbolizes hope and the beauty of things

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Seren

Tue, 2014-02-25 09:07

Seren's picture

There are a lot of us that have silently walked with Stan and I felt privileged to walk with you both in words, what a truly excellent poem, this is definitely one of my favourites.

Nothing to crit at this stage I will return for a reread tomorrow night

thank you

love JC x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

wesley snow

Tue, 2014-02-25 11:03

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Can you guess at the red?
By the way, I wrote this without a thesaurus, rhymer or dictionary by my side. This is as "unplugged" as I get.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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author comment

Seren

Thu, 2014-02-27 09:10

Seren's picture

Has Stan seen this one yet?, I returned to reread and I still cant find anything worthwhile to suggest, I will come back again tomorrow night with a clearer head I am actually going to try and sleep lol unheard of

This is an excellent poem Wesley

love Jayne x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

scribbler

Sat, 2014-08-16 20:36

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As far as I know this is the first time a poem has been written about me. I have no idea why it took me this long to see it unless it was posted during one of the many time my comp has been down this year. I am flattered and being so don't think I can do a decent critique although you did a good job incorporating the "strolls" I take into this.............stan

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