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a return home to the stars

Submitted by dirtdocs on Mon, 2024-01-22 20:57

i.
before acceptance comes anger, comes denial, comes bargaining
before bargaining comes a final breath drawn
nebulae raveling and unraveling in wisps of hues
a cosmic kaleidoscope
a canvas of celestial light, tapestry of eternity and grandeur and unknowns
then comes a vacuum of sound and an absence of breath, the rhythm
of my heart
beating its first muffled drum
i am its solitary witness

ii.
then comes
the cold, drilling orchestra of silence, unperceivable to any celestial sense,
wrapping around the vastness and density of my being
it cradles my frail body against the stardust,
singing a requiem,
a dirge into the expanse,
a hymn of grief against the dry, soundless pleas
in my throat
heaving, weeping, gasping, crying out against the cold burning
on my skin
i am unready, still, for what i know has long been written in the stars

iii.
and yet, even in its numbing grip,
comes the beauty i feel, unadulterated and undeterred, of the universe unbound
the shackles of mortal lease lifted from my wrists
the gravitational anchors of earthly life gone,
ripped from my navel
a return home, weightless and untethered as i am

in my dying hands,
i need to hold it just once more
i need fingertips brushing the ripping canvas of the universe,
eardrums hearing the orchestra of silence,
pores on my skin feeling the final whispers of air,
remnants of breaths taken
i need
tongue tasting the bitter tang of cosmic dust
unmoving limbs held in an embrace of the surrounding abyss
cold pressure in my ribs feeling the bitter revelations
i need this last taste of life,
i need it
before my soul can feel release

iv.
only then, like a candle flickering through heavy eyelids,
does acceptance come:
dying stars, i'm returning home

in response,
i feel the reassuring silence seeping deeper into my bones
darkness enveloping the lament of the orchestra, all fragments of life folding into just distant echoes of the grief they once sung,
and i feel the boundaries of self blurring,
bleeding into a horizon of
astral ink
and as a final, flickering gasp of consciousness wanes,
reaching out to grasp at finite bounds,
i surrender myself to infinity
too small, too dwindled to hold its weight
in my hands

v.
i am a speck of celestial light,
of stardust,
surrendered and returned to the home from which it came,
dissolving and expanding with the dying stars

i'm home to stay this time, i tell them,
but no sound escapes my mouth
there is no muffled heartbeat, no grandeur, no symphony
there is nothing in the universe left to give

i am one with a cosmic kaleidoscope, i can feel it now,
my infinite eyes in a universe perceiving itself

Style / type: 
Free verse
Last few words: 
written with the prompt of 'dying in space deeply aware of each one of your senses' as a concept :-)
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2024-01-23 03:00

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "a return home to the stars" is a deeply evocative exploration of the human experience of mortality, framed within the grandeur and mystery of the cosmos. It employs a rich tapestry of imagery and metaphor to convey a profound sense of existential introspection and transformation.

The poem's structure, divided into five sections, provides a clear narrative progression that mirrors the stages of grief, culminating in acceptance. This structure effectively guides the reader through the emotional journey of the speaker.

The use of cosmic imagery throughout the poem is particularly striking. Phrases such as "cosmic kaleidoscope," "tapestry of eternity," and "celestial light" serve to elevate the speaker's personal experience to a universal level, imbuing the poem with a sense of awe and wonder.

However, the poem's heavy reliance on this cosmic imagery can also be a point of critique. While the imagery is vivid and evocative, it can at times feel overwhelming and obscure the poem's central themes. The poem might benefit from a more balanced use of concrete and abstract imagery to ensure that the reader remains grounded in the speaker's emotional journey.

The language of the poem is rich and complex, filled with metaphors and similes that add depth and texture to the narrative. However, the complexity of the language can sometimes detract from the clarity of the poem's message. The poem might benefit from a more judicious use of simpler, more direct language to ensure that the reader can easily follow the narrative.

The use of repetition, particularly in the fourth section of the poem, is effective in conveying the speaker's desperation and longing. However, the poem might benefit from a more varied use of repetition to avoid a sense of redundancy.

Overall, "a return home to the stars" is a powerful and evocative exploration of mortality and the human experience. With some refinement in its use of imagery and language, it has the potential to be a truly compelling piece of poetry.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Tue, 2024-01-23 09:57

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Hello!
I've returned several times to sit with your poem. It may be a bit overwhelming, as AI suggests, but it is also meditative and introspective - a calm, peaceful visit. Having witnessed death, as it appears you have, too, this makes me wonder if this may be what is felt and experienced. I've looked into the eyes of those I've watched pass along and have seen the brilliance that you describe. I can't help but feel their uplifting was similar to this, starting from their earthly home to their return home in the cosmos - from dust to dust. You've spent time with this and it is remarkable. My heart, and all my senses, traveled along your journey.
Thank you!
Lavender

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