sullen....yep thats me....I aint brave enough to go for the big push...
I like being in the rear with the gear...
I did go front for awhile..Love...I can manage it....but I personally lack
much to keep me sustained at that level....thats the for the big boys
and girls with money drive and the emotional want to be out there..
Memory I am rather landed in....I got blowed up a lot emotionally
as a kid and not to blame anyone....because now as an adult muy
family is coming slowly from the shadows and admitting their feelings
about this time....theirs is not sullen....their anger rage and hurt is
a force as we all were in our time...led by mighty people...ha ha ha..

I do love Bukowski and Burroughs and Plath and Sexton and imilton
acorn and atwood....Atwood still going...I have my issues with females
from the mother times....and I think her rather crude basic training
saved me from getting into deeper turmoil with what I like to chase..
I have seen my fellow brothers whom are stronger with many kids
from different moms and its all rather crude and all over the map..
but I see too how maturity and settling down and dealing with anger
and addiction issues has helped me....
canada is different then oz....to have had a beach community or
creative crew to hang with....we have this cool barren kind of social
landing up there..the small lakes...boreal woods...a smaller system
then your great cities of melbourne and sydney which I love and
or gueensland...

I so badly wanted to become a poet....when I was not getting anything
from my artwork....then...nor pay....and the items would go out and
there was not much response.....I could have moved into it and had
showings etc to get the recognition of which I suppose I can....
but I find writing is so so satisfying......

I like all the poets work here...some are so intimate and personal a write
its hard to come up with comments that are going to be even to the weight
of the poems worth...when Im not exhausted or burned out from bike
riding and only four hours sleep...
or the personal house issues which go on here wihich are intense and
intimate.....stuff I am not really well outfitted for....response wise...
I take great care in response.....I cant just give yes or no...
frustrating to me....I consider so much....the gift of intuition I value
and principle and ideal

my poetry is the least complicated thing about me as a person
to talk is a hard thing to fathom out....
I suck at communication
in general
and the ego I have drives me to be in control because in our
house as a kid there was no control....even though we were
people with great social connectedness and status at the
time for solid dependable...etc....

I was a bohemian and shall always be
I dont have love....nor the world of drugs or guns
I just knew many that shared their stories and I adapt
and from fiction I have read

and all the years i spent in bars sober just hanging out
and chilling with the hardcore whom come to rest in
that nuetral space..chatting me like I was a priest
of words....it was my work....
I rmembered those that helped me when I was lost
and hurting and out there...calming...
the words....

I have enjoyed our times....I like the bouncing ideas
and the groan and moan times
ah a true brother...
whom doesnt bounch chests and clenched teeth
at times...
I have fought with my brothers...
the viking in me..

we were both dominant
but ultimately found women
that knew how to handle that energy
I see that with a lot of males
whom are sucessful at business
too.....

I keep writing.....its more of a creative
muses I like to be around
and there are many
as ugly and a misfit as I am
there are pretty ones whom smile
and flip their hair
that I am portions of their hectic
lives.......something about me
they say tht they like very much
and my bros...whom look up
too me
all the bros hugs...
ha

bump knuckles and intel
exchange at mall
smoke breaks...

I am glad that in todays modern
worn you can say you know a
modern poet....
I still find it hard to say I am
a poet...because I fail to publish
but many didnt....

I truly beileve in the people
this site....
we used to have a chalk board
and we wrote beautiful works
and erase it after a day or two
and keep writing more
think about humans
how brief lives are
or rains...seasons
pets...freindships

the beauty of rain
snow...heat.
storms...

chums....

thank U for your comment
Elf...It means a lot
and I know you understand
the elements of poetry
much...

again thank U

was when I began to read the autobiographies or biographies of posts
past...mostly...I had an assumption they were more...which they were...
and complicated and complex...which they were..
and very talented and gifted and bright with usually a very sound
grip on recalling words...a lexicon of theme and theory that I
can barely keep.....I read Atwoods early works and smile...
or the others...they are sculptures...magnificent scultpures of
thoughts intricate and beautiful

I never think my work is beautiful at all...
it barely just covers the ugliness that resides
in my head.....but then I ve had rather..
"interesting" women tell me they love
that side and tell me "it" is beautiful...

my own value too myself is arriving
but the great impact of my mother/s
was severe..although of many others
the atrocities elsewhere I am thankful
we didnt recieve...the emotional heaped
with the greatness of words...books
laughter too in there...rejection..
crushing belittling....we just became
these interesting survivors....totally
bent and broken...none of can communicate
long near each other....flashbacks...bad
dreams..overlapped with the true weight
of the fairytales and biblical stories...
the happy fathers drinking of whiskey
and beer and the tirades of my mother
till he finally ambled off the walls too
bed....all great providers and hard workers
we never did without.....but by the time we
were all five.....well...it was if the ego
was the fallen angel.....

in the poets stories...not the poetry they
wrote...thats what drew me in...
I dont think I can say I will be writing
at a level I will be happy with
its just not in me
to allow that feeling

i related most to how they were
broken..and fought that for years
to be in denial...still...
thats todays war
as live as ever
and how blind I am
to others about me
how I dont hear
see
feel them at times
...

I keep writing
and keep learning
thank U

Esker......