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Poison's Secret

picture your porcelain words surrounding me;
listen as I bleed sacred questions
devouring ferocious yesterdays
hoping to uncover poison's only secret:
it melts clouds into ghosts of men
with trust they sail in peace
to a time worthy of dying

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
A previously written poem that I never posted.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Poison's Secret" is a haunting exploration of the destructive power of words and the consequences they can have on those who hear them. The use of the metaphor of "porcelain words" creates a sense of fragility and delicacy, suggesting that the speaker feels vulnerable and exposed in the face of these words.

The line "listen as I bleed sacred questions" is particularly evocative, suggesting that the speaker is not only affected by the words but actively seeking answers and understanding. The use of the word "sacred" adds a layer of religious or spiritual significance, suggesting that these questions are of the utmost importance.

The second stanza continues the theme of destruction and decay, with the speaker describing "devouring ferocious yesterdays". This line is somewhat ambiguous, but it seems to suggest that the speaker is consumed by memories or regrets from the past.

The final stanza is perhaps the most enigmatic, as the speaker muses on the secret of poison. The metaphor of melting clouds into ghosts of men is striking, but its meaning is unclear. The suggestion that trust allows men to sail in peace to a "time worthy of dying" is both ominous and intriguing.

Overall, "Poison's Secret" is a poem that invites interpretation and discussion. Its imagery is vivid and unsettling, and its themes of vulnerability, destruction, and mortality are universal. One suggested line edit would be to change "perhaps to know" to "hoping to uncover", which would clarify the speaker's motivation and add a sense of urgency to the poem.

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Great feedback, little robot. I will implement the suggested change. I absolutely agree with it.

Beep boop,
Kelsey

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author comment

One I need to read a few times but very deep
Thank you for sharing.

Thanks for stopping by and reading!

Welcome to Neopoet. Looking forward to checking out your writing,
Kelsey

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Community guidelines: https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

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author comment

I really find myself enjoying writing ambiguous poetry. Poems that let the reader interpret their own meaningful message. I haven't always written like this, but I have gone more in that direction over the past few years. I don't know if it is a desire to connect with more readers by letting them make their own meaning or if I just want mystery, or both! Probably a bit of both! :)

Thank you again,
Kelsey

Critique, don't comment.

Community guidelines: https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.

author comment
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