Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
A Poem Inspired by Jane's "Whispering Wind."
A Poem Inspired by Jane's "Whispering Wind."
As along the shore I wander,
by the sea at even tide.
I perceive a lovely lady
walking softly by my side.
Is this not her white veil flowing
covering that gentle face?
I see her in the settling mist—
faintly glowing, full of grace.
But, she is a vague illusion
projected by the straying beam
of the lighthouse's Fresnel lens—
a figment of an idle dream.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words:
Inspired by Jane's poem, I envisioned this encounter.
"Even" is a legitimate word for 'evening." (The even tide)
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
jane210660
Mon, 2017-06-05 05:55
Beautiful
Really beautiful, a much more gentle ghost than mine.
A nugget of gold this, no crit.
Jx
PS am so glad my poem led to this.
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
Ali Zonach
Mon, 2017-06-05 07:31
Hi Jane;
no, I must thank you for the inspiration I found in your captivating poem. I found it very stimulating. Thanks for loaning me your muse. :)
Ali
author commentKeith Logan
Tue, 2017-06-06 20:52
I like this very much
My only slight reservation is the use of faintly and faint so close together. Maybe consider something like wispy (with a comma) in the first place or vague in the second?
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
Ali Zonach
Wed, 2017-06-07 15:29
Keith, Sir,
Thank you; I followed your suggestion and substituted 'vague' for "faint." Thanks again, :) Ali
author comment