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The Past Hisses Angry sounds
I am the battered shore
On which the hurricane pounds
The future roars an awkward tune
The past hisses angry sounds
The smoke through which I breathe
Kills me, each breath, each time
Angles seem off and twisted
Life refuses to accept the rhyme
I am aching and uncertain
Banging time on my brass drum
Celebrating each grand an elegant loss
And the storms yet to come
I am the battered shore
0n which the hurricane pounds
I roar in mute defiance
The past hisses angry sounds
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Race_9togo
Sat, 2021-05-22 01:32
Hello Atorn
Excellent work. I would have preferred to have read it in verses, but reading it aloud takes care of that. Succinct, powerful, very, very good.
Keep them coming.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
atorn
Sat, 2021-05-22 12:43
reply
Thank you for taking the time to comment, they are always appreciated
Geezer
Sat, 2021-05-22 07:00
Nice rhythm...
which makes the piece so good! Your rhyme is simple but effective and you didn't drag it on and on. I think you forgot to end the word [an] with a [D] in the line; "Celebrating each grand an[d] elegant loss. All in all, a really good poem! ~ Geez.
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atorn
Sat, 2021-05-22 12:44
reply to Geezer
Thank you for the insights, yes I need to add a d lol
atorn
Sun, 2021-05-23 12:47
reply
Thank you for the comments
c lynn brooks
Sun, 2021-05-23 19:37
Andrew
I'm not going to even pretend I understand this poem. The only thing I see is anger
Chrys
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