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Other me
There is her-
and there is me.
“other me” is probably the best term.
She’s me, but not quite.
She has an air, a sort of “otherness”
about her. “Otherness” that
I pull out of the air and promptly press
into my cheeks like powder.
“Otherness” I tap out of the day
like sticky sap from a maple.
“Otherness” that softly paves the way
to distinguish her from me.
The divide is subtle, and divine.
An upward tilt of the chin,
a softer touch, and wittier lines.
Behind closed doors, while I sleep,
while I sit fireside with my mother,
“otherness” leaves my bones and slinks
back into the atmospheric cover
from whence she was borne. When
I rise, so does she, reuniting once more with I.
She manifests in my walk, and my talk,
and as the dazzling twinkle found in my eye.
Lovely, courteous, and well-mannered.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2024-01-14 20:20
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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Sen99
Sun, 2024-01-14 16:28
This is Enjoyable
A charming poem, I like the poetic alter ego in this, nice and elegant the otherness
thanks for the share
MermaidMaster
Sun, 2024-01-14 22:30
thank you so much!!
thank you so much!!
<3
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2024-01-15 13:45
What a lovely way...
to see yourself and your "otherness"
This has a great metaphor in the line, "I tap out of the day, like sticky sap from a maple"
and this line: "otherness that I pull out of the air and promptly press into my cheeks like powder."
Another line I really like is, "otherness leaves my bones and slinks back
into the atmospheric cover from which she was born."
I see that you have a real awareness of the personna that you present to the world.
I am not sure if you meant to use [I] instead of [me] in line one of the last stanza, but it strikes me as peculiar.
If you meant it to have a special significance, it is lost on me.
Mostly well done though, ~ Geezer.
.
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MermaidMaster
Mon, 2024-01-15 17:50
hi geezer!! I appreciate your
hi geezer!! I appreciate your comment so much!! I’m so glad you enjoyed the poem and got meaning out of it. As for the I instead of me, I wanted it to rhyme with eye but I will explore other options to see if I can find anything that fits better. Thanks for the feedback!
<3
author commentCandlewitch
Fri, 2024-01-19 07:50
Dear MM,
I found your poem to be delightful! I really like both of you! this poem tells me so very much about you... Your other self is effervescent and very likeable. It is musicale and held my interest from beginning to ending!
I also have an alter ego. His name is: eddy styx. He writes dark poetry as an outlet for venting. He says the things I cannot say and does the things I cannot do. Sometimes I post his poems on Neopoet, instead of mine.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
MermaidMaster
Sat, 2024-01-20 02:21
Hi Cat!!
Hi Cat!!
I’m so glad you liked the poem! I’m delighted to hear that it held your interest all the way through. Thank you for sharing about eddy styx! That’s quite fascinating.
Wishing you both the best!
-MM
<3
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