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Orgy au naturel
Let me be, be me
not like an icing on a cake
to entice then be devoured
like a whore
Let me be, be me
to dance and be penetrated
by a thousand pin pricks
making me moan like thunder
in an orgasmic surrender
Let me be, be me
and get drenched to my soul
in the delightful outpouring
when rivulets rush down my thighs
awakening my nerve buds
with goose bumps
and in this orgy
I dance to the calypso
of rain drops
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
loved
Sat, 2014-01-25 23:39
Anyone would like to be raj
in this orgy
I do a rain dance
au naturel.
a party with you
loved
raj
Sun, 2014-01-26 06:38
Thank you Loved for treating
Thank you Loved for treating yourself with a rain dance
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Sun, 2014-01-26 06:38
Thank you Loved for treating
Thank you Loved for treating yourself with a rain dance
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentloved
Sun, 2014-01-26 13:23
i love to dance
rain snow or darkness
vertical and horizontal
glad u gave us rain
thanks raj
loved
Seren
Sun, 2014-01-26 05:27
Dear Raj
There is a sensuousness about this write you have given the rain sex appeal OooOOoOooo very well done you had me going right up until the end, maybe I should shower later, whew. ;)
brilliantly performed my friend and executed with finesse
nothing to crit at this stage I will return with a clearer ummm mind haha
much love JC xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
raj
Sun, 2014-01-26 06:42
Dear Jayne
Thank you for the read and to know that this worked for you including the build up to the climax . It was a conscious attempt to keep an element of mystery till the concluding line..good to know it worked...thank you for your appreciative comments...much love n hugz...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentLamar Ingraham
Wed, 2014-01-29 13:05
Lamar States
Wow... This was very provocative. The rhythm is amazing with the theme, leaving me stupefied beyond speech. Thank you for posting such a quite bawdy piece of work here.
V/R,
Official 1SP
raj
Wed, 2014-01-29 13:10
Bawdy? haha!. I appreciate
Bawdy? haha!. I appreciate your response Lamar, after all it interests me how different people perceive the same thing. I am happy though that the anti climax which I tried to bring in has worked based on some of the comments above. The fact that few have left a comment could mean that they did not find in this what they were looking for. either way it is a learning experience for me.
thanks for passing by and for your read and comments,
regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentloved
Wed, 2014-01-29 15:15
A comment is
an encouragement
so that u all write more
and those who comment
ought to have the nerve.....
loved
Lamar Ingraham
Thu, 2014-01-30 17:08
Lamar Is
You are correct, "Loved" again. Quite the commentator, are you not? It is my belief that you have smile every time you comment, because you do these things so well.
V/R,
Official 1SP
loved
Thu, 2014-01-30 17:49
you honour me more than
my years allow
this is the den of
Distinguished poets
a small one am I
somehow so they say
why read Loved!
thank you anyway
you help me
to stay
loved