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.................................................................nuiseance.....

Submitted by Esker on Mon, 2014-03-03 21:45

drawn
ribbon
silk and such
drawled with cinnamon red four
dabbled drowsing
dowsing

fingers light
the little pulse
like wavelets minnow nibble
this brilliant shoal

wrecks the ruin
carnage and cream
the splendid scars
the ached scream

steady aim
like tremulous
glee
pupil alleys
while the streaming
sunlight
burns effortless effigies
in that dark
narrow
comforting
trap
where happiness
crashes
like
rains

fills up the void
like rain

only ink on a page
runs
you whispered
in nocturne landscapes
while the fan
whimpered
and the television
sped its drama scenes
....

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Tue, 2014-03-04 01:28

weirdelf's picture
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Read one of your poems in two very different ways. Let me know what you think.
First reading
https://soundcloud.com/jess-tapper/33-ellipses-nuiseance-ellipsis

https://soundcloud.com/jess-tapper/33-ellipses-nuiseance

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Esker

Tue, 2014-03-04 09:34

Esker's picture

small snippets...part of articulation
and reading as poetry as performance
the greeks did it and built theatres for this
that lasted to this day....storytelling
important in days of yore and now
with the internet....

will try to record and do readings..

thank you!

author comment

Esker

Tue, 2014-03-04 09:40

Esker's picture

i like to hear aloud how its read..
reading we make up for the jangle and
rumble of it in our minds..
filtering the hubaloo all our lives
but in listening to it read
i can feel where it needs tweaking
if im looking for a more smoother
flow..or a ragged exciting read..

i like both readings..the first i
read it as in my own speed
but the second was good
because its proper..its without
punctuation....
like music with no rest..

more and more and with the
accompnying graph
which i like.....math is intuition
in a visual approach
ratios and per centages
etc..

all making more sense to
me

will come back later when
i have time..
work errands.. lots of walking
people watching notations
birds...etc..

thank you jess..

author comment

raj

Tue, 2014-03-04 14:49

Please excuse my ignorance, yet after multiple reads I have tried to decode the abstract from your free flowing ink and wonder if it's about real v/s pseudo real. It's possible that I may have been way off target from the essence of this write and as an amateur would like to learn where you want to take the reader...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Esker

Tue, 2014-03-04 14:58

Esker's picture

perception of the solidity of ideal..and the shadow cast by it.
illuminat i on..
thank you ,

author comment

raj

Tue, 2014-03-04 15:13

Thank you for enlightening me about the essence of your poem which made me read again and digest.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

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