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Newport random challenge #12 [I survived]
Consider this a lamentation
A remembrance of a loss
that I grieve for -
One that’s silently felt
No amount of preparation; could
Make seeing the pictures easier,
The hollowness
The fear
Don’t give in - to the temptation
You have have done
the recovery
Find your motivation
I hear the birds again
That chirp had become
So distant.
Sunlight is not rare
I am my own inspiration
I have climbed a mountain,
Conquered a jungle
And I survived.
This is my new celebration.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Mon, 2022-02-07 14:46
It doesn't
take much cogitation to see that you have written about a lost relationship and probably have come across some pictures that were of happier times during it. You have gotten over it and but still feel a residual ache. Talking to yourself is a common experience when faced with such times. I will assume that bird watching is a pleasant pastime for you, but you have only enjoyed it again just now. I like the reminder to yourself; that you should not give in to the temptation to try and resurrect the relationship and to keep moving on, with those lines "Don't give in to the temptation"... ~ Geezer.
.
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Ray Whitaker
Thu, 2022-02-10 13:18
Nicely done
I like the jumble of emotion that I was left with. Reflective. Wistful.
I would move your first Stanza to be placed as the third stanza. Keeping the third, just making it the fourth. I wouldn't give away the lamentation label at the very beginning. make the reader work on that a bit, feel it more, it's such a juicy word.
Love the one-liner at the end!
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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Candlewitch
Mon, 2022-02-21 11:37
hello,
it is a very smooth poem, I like the way it flows. there is a bit of self-discovery throughout. it feels like you are concurring and resisting urges to reengage. great language usage!
*hugs, Cat
*
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