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My Humble Perspective
When God created
The beauty He
Created the bird,
The grass,
And the tree,
He created the
Colorful mountain,
The sublime ocean,
and the sea,
He put
The twinkling star
In the darkest night,
And the golden sun
To warm the heart,
And He created
Thee
Version#2
When God created
The beauty He
Created the
nightingale chanting
for free
He created
An ocean
Churning with emotion
He created a
Lively sun,
And a lustful
Moon,
He created you.
Style / type:
Free verse
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Sun, 2018-12-30 04:24
Great perspective Rula about
Great perspective Rula about the Creator and His Creation
Just wondering if a comma is necessary in the line..
He, put
.............................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Sun, 2018-12-30 12:09
Dear raj
Appreciate the read and the spot on correction.
Thank you!
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raj
Sun, 2018-12-30 15:08
Rula
I was drawn to this poem to absorb it's gentle beauty. Just a thought would 'warm the heart" be a good alternative?
............................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Mon, 2018-12-31 16:51
Raj
I implemented as suggested. I added a new version too .
What do yoy think of version #2?
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raj
Tue, 2019-01-01 13:15
I prefer Version 1
I prefer Version 1
............................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Tue, 2019-01-01 14:37
Thank you for your honesty
dear raj... I like version # 1 better too.
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zebra
Mon, 2018-12-31 12:57
Your experienced at this Rula
Your experienced at this Rula and its not without its goodness But I think you know deeply that this is old ground the way it pegs everything down The sun is high the seas are deep kinda thing
The question is what now? Can you surprise your self, find new neuropathways, find new language
try something suggestive instead of drama of the obvious?
Rula
Mon, 2018-12-31 16:47
Thank you Z
I totally agree. I think I've rushed this one.
I've added a new version with some real edits.
I think you will like it. What about you?
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Rula
Mon, 2018-12-31 16:47
Thank you Z
I totally agree. I think I've rushed this one.
I've added a new version with some real edits.
I think you will like it. What about you?
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zebra
Tue, 2019-01-01 05:33
Hi
Better :)
What about me are you asking?
Rula
Tue, 2019-01-01 05:59
Yes
Sorry. I wanted to ask what do you think about it.
I am glad you think it's better.
I think I'll keep the two versions for some time. I always prefer what pops first in my head and spontaneously write itsel. :)
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Rula
Tue, 2019-01-01 06:02
Appreciate
Passing by this one Mark, and the time.
Each has his own beliefs I think.
Thank you!!
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Rula
Tue, 2019-01-01 14:41
Hello April
I thought I sent a reply to your comment this morning. Not sure what has exactly happened.
Welcome to Neopoet dear and many thanks for reading and liking my thoughts.
Highly appreciate it and looking forward to reading your works
Soon
Many thanks.
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