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My First Bicycle Ride

Submitted by Sen99 on Fri, 2024-02-16 06:21

They say it's something
You can never forget
Unlike playing a piano
Or driving a Corvette

Is cycling just an instinctual skill ?
Mind over matter, a force of will

In my ripe old age I must confess
I've never been on a bicycle, or worn a dress.

Its just two wheels and pedals
How hard can it be
Just hold onto the bars
And set myself free

I had a dream about my first bicycle ride
The embarrassment of falling
And hurting my pride
Its a matter of balance and perfect form
Maybe wear a helmet, keep my head warm.

I must face my internal fear,
As the day comes gradually near
Should I take a proficiency test ?
In a high visibility jacket
And a luminous vest.

I rather go it alone, don't want anyone to see
Riding off the road, headfirst into the nearest tree.
I'm afraid, don't know where this is heading.
I could be riding an unicycle,
At my first Mormon wedding.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
02/24 My First Bicycle Ride
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2024-02-16 12:21

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem, "My First Bicycle Ride," uses a conversational tone and humor to explore the theme of fear and apprehension related to trying something new. The structure of the poem is mostly consistent, with a simple ABAB rhyme scheme, which aids in the flow of the poem.

The use of imagery and metaphors, such as "riding off the road, headfirst into the nearest tree" and "I could be riding a unicycle, At my first Mormon wedding," effectively convey the speaker's anxiety and fear of embarrassment. However, the connection between the bicycle ride and the Mormon wedding is not immediately clear and might benefit from further development or explanation.

The poem could benefit from a more consistent use of meter. While some lines follow a rhythmic pattern, others do not, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. For example, the line "I've never been on a bicycle, or worn a dress" is noticeably longer than the preceding lines, disrupting the rhythm.

The poem also raises several questions that are left unanswered. For example, why has the speaker never ridden a bicycle? Is there a specific reason for this fear? Answering these questions within the poem could add depth to the speaker's character and make their fear more relatable to the reader.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a clearer resolution. The speaker's decision to face their fear is a significant moment, but it is quickly overshadowed by the humorous image of the speaker riding into a tree. Providing a more detailed exploration of this decision could add emotional depth to the poem.

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Lavender

Fri, 2024-02-16 08:36

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Hello, Sen,
I really enjoyed reading this. It captures the reader and takes them "along for the ride." Interesting rhyme pattern. You may want to tighten it a bit, some areas are a little too wordy and lengthy, but the theme is wonderfully fun!
Thank you,
L

Sen99

Fri, 2024-02-16 15:00

Sen99's picture

Your comments are appreciated, I agree with you the meter is inconsistent, different line lengths don't fit the rhyme scheme but it says what I want it to say. I will try to amend thanks again.

author comment

Candlewitch

Fri, 2024-02-16 08:41

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I agree with Lavender. A delightful piece to be sure.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Sen99

Fri, 2024-02-16 15:01

Sen99's picture

Praise form a Master poet like yourself, encourages me to write more)

author comment

Clentin

Sun, 2024-02-18 03:04

Clentin's picture

I liked the poem. I notice that the rhyming pattern seems off a bit. Stanzas vary in number of lines?
Just a thought that I think would improve the poem.

Sen99

Sun, 2024-02-18 03:43

Sen99's picture

Yes the meter is not regular, the lines are unequal length

author comment
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