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My best friend
She stands in the mirror
Beautiful and strong
I couldn’t see her clearer
She’s what I wanted to be all along
she’s so perfect, even every flaw
She loves herself to her very core
when she passes, they all stare in awe
but something in her tore
she became insecure
her thoughts all seemed to be deranged
she hid herself and every curve
every day she urged to change
she didn’t know why
her only priority was her weight
all she could do was sigh
while she counted every calorie she ate
she tried to be brave
she tried to fix what she started
but little did she know soon she would be led to her grave
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2021-11-16 12:45
The beginning...
is fine, and I think I understood the thread of your piece. I do believe that she was obsessed with her weight and finally succumbed to Anorexia? I am not sure if I should bother to give you any advice as to how to make this better; as you have indicated that you are not actively editing. If you are trying to become a better poet, I would suggest that you look at the rhythm of other people's works and make adjustments to the pattern and beat. It's not enough to rhyme certain lines, you have to make it flow and bring out the emotion. ~ Geezer.
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