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Mountain Visit

I might have been around ten or eleven years old,
visiting relatives in their Appalachian Mountain home.
We could not wait until the fireflies began
their summer night’s performance, as I recall.
The view from my reflections returns me there.

Our great-aunt picks up a slow-moving, winged beetle
and shows us how to carefully tie a thread to its back leg
and watch it fly in a tethered circle – GENTLY, GENTLY!

Across the road, my grandfather is firing a pistol
into the side of the mountain for practice.
Pop, pop, pop! I worry about the mountain
and if it was harmed by the pistol’s report.

Tattered and faded memories remain for now.
Intangible keepsakes that will pass to no one.
But I assume the beetles are generally pleased these days,
since folks really don’t tie thread to their legs anymore.

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: Mountain Visit

In "Mountain Visit," the poem explores the theme of childhood memories and the passage of time, using vivid imagery and a nostalgic tone. The poem effectively captures a specific moment in the speaker's life, allowing readers to immerse themselves in the scene.

One of the strengths of this poem is the use of concrete details to create a vivid picture of the scene. For example, the lines "We could not wait until the fireflies began / their summer night’s performance, as I recall" and "my grandfather is firing a pistol / into the side of the mountain for practice" provide readers with a clear sense of the setting and atmosphere.

The poem also effectively contrasts the innocence of childhood with the more somber realization of the passage of time. The lines "Tattered and faded memories remain for now. / Intangible keepsakes that will pass to no one" evoke a sense of melancholy and the fleeting nature of memories.

However, there is room for improvement in the poem's structure and consistency. The poem begins with a first-person perspective, but in the last stanza, the speaker shifts to a more detached, third-person perspective with the line "But I assume the beetles are generally pleased these days." This shift can be jarring for the reader and may detract from the poem's overall impact. To maintain consistency, consider revising this stanza to maintain the first-person perspective throughout.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of punctuation. Some lines end with a period, while others do not, which can create confusion for the reader. Ensuring that punctuation is used consistently throughout the poem will help to improve its overall readability.

In conclusion, "Mountain Visit" is a nostalgic poem that effectively captures a moment in time through vivid imagery and a strong sense of place. By addressing the issues of perspective and punctuation, the poem can be further refined and strengthened.

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great! I just had to see what it was all about.
While I understand that not all people living in the Appalachian Mountains are poor
it is one of the things that I first thought of, along with the obvious little
entertainments that cost nothing and amuse the children. You have painted a picture in the very first lines.

The admonishment of "Gently, gently, shows the respect for the littlest of life by the great aunt.
I imagine her as a grey-haired lady who shows patience with the children, and certain amount of pride in showing them
how to have a good time with very little effort and no money. [I'm sure that after the children are done,
they are admonished to release the beetle unharmed].

Grandfather firing the pistol at the mountain, is surrounded by the older males, [perhaps looking to have a few shots
of their own], and happily the center of attention. The loudness of the reports may have brought about the thought of
the mountain being upset.

I love the ending, as the writer understands that these memories will be lost when the last of the people who participated
in the scenes are gone. The author seems to have thought about how the beetle felt being tethered to a piece of thread
and hopes that that no one does that anymore.
I was struck by the vividness of the scenes that were shown with so few words. Very well done! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Always appreciate yor visits, and thank you for the kind compliments on this one Geez! I've been mining deeper past memories for inspiration of late, and this seemed to work here.

Best

Michael Anthony

author comment

this worked well. I have toiled in those mines too, and I find that it feels really good to have been able to bring out those memories and show them off to the younger generation. Nice job. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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