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mermaid string
once
each word was new
had not existed
had never been spoken
so
speak the word
‘seaweed’
for the very first time
sea-weed
weed of the sea
sea - weed
smell the word, flavour it
salt-fresh
or melting rot on sand
an unbearable decay
but savour the names
green-hair
oarweed
hen-pen
rosy-pink-plates
dew-drops
oyster-thief
kelp
irish moss
unravel threads of mermaid-string
drifting in your head
as waves exhale reds and gold and lettuce green
fronds and fans
ribs and hands
seaweed
weed of the sea
sea - weed
words and names no longer new
but still expand
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I wrote this poem when someone (doubtless through the lens of a wine glass or two), asked me how I thought words began, who said the first words, like cup, spoon, platypus etc. Now, because we have so much language, and an earth-wide richness of words, I think it's easy to forget how remarkable words are - and how many other names and words emerged and continue to emerge from those first words and those beginnings. I was also researching sea weed at the time and discovering an extraordinary richness of seaweed names.
So I am writing a few of these types of poems, trying to 'unravel the mermaid string drifting in my head'.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Mon, 2023-08-28 23:25
Mermaid String
Hello, Jenifer,
Very clever, and so true! It's mind-boggling thinking about the origin of words - the truly first words. A sense of magic in your choice of seaweed and mermaid string for your poem.
Delightful!
L
Jenifer James
Wed, 2023-08-30 04:01
Thank-you, Lavender. it would
Thank-you, Lavender. it would be wonderful to have a discussion forum around the delight and interestingness (if that's a word) of words: I am currently staying with Russian woman who had to escape Russia. It is amazing how- even though writing Russian is hard for Westerners- the languages still have similarities of sound and meaning... and accents, the way we sound words.
Jenifer Jaspa James
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2023-08-29 09:38
Having been...
to the ocean a few times and seeing seaweed there, and it being different than what is seen in a pond or lake, I'm wondering if what is seen in ponds and lakes should be called pondweed or lakeweed? Actually, I would venture to say that it looks more like mermaid string or hair than what you see in the sea or ocean. Hmmmm... Your poem seems to have started something.
Nice job, ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Jenifer James
Wed, 2023-08-30 04:03
Thank you, Geezer.
Thank you, Geezer.
I know we used to have vibrant forums for discussion - I wonder if we could restart some? I realise it would be a lot of work, but imagine discussing words again! And how words tumble into poetry...
Jenifer Jaspa James
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2023-08-31 09:11
An idea...
that deserves more thought. I like it! Let me get the contest judging back on track, and I promise that we will discuss it. I have some ideas that I'm sure will resonate with you and some others here. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Jenifer James
Fri, 2023-09-01 01:02
Excellent. I miss the
Excellent. I miss the discussions. You take care of yourself.
Jenifer Jaspa James
author comment