Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Lost cloudy magic

Soft fluffy pillows that float way up high,
To hide a sun that sits up in the sky,
A plethora of shapes loom deceptive,
Over inquiring minds so receptive.

Molded people in a strange kind of way,
Or mystical bunnies that could hop away,
And oddly the mind stops to note,
Synchronised clouds starting to float.

And then, in a blink of an eye,
These clouds all started to cry,
Lost their magic, as if just a dream,
Then comes thunder, and I can't help but scream.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.


The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: Lost Cloudy Magic

The poem explores the imaginative aspect of observing clouds and the sudden shift in weather that can occur. The structure and rhyme scheme (ABCB) provide a consistent flow throughout the piece. However, there are a few areas that could be improved to strengthen the poem's impact.

1. Imagery: The poem begins with vivid imagery, describing the clouds as "soft fluffy pillows" and the sun hiding behind them. To enhance the imagery, consider providing more specific details or incorporating additional sensory elements. For example, you could describe the colors, textures, or the feeling of the wind.

2. Line 5: "Molded people in a strange kind of way," - This line is a bit vague and could benefit from clarification. Consider rephrasing it to better convey the intended meaning or provide a more concrete image of the "molded people."

3. Punctuation: The poem's punctuation is inconsistent, with some lines ending in commas and others without any punctuation. To improve the poem's readability, consider revising the punctuation to create a more uniform structure.

4. Line 12: "Lost their magic, as if just a dream," - This line seems to imply that the clouds lose their magic when they begin to cry (rain). To strengthen this idea, consider exploring the contrast between the imaginative aspect of cloud-watching and the reality of an impending storm.

5. Line 14: "Next comes thunder, that results in my scream." - This line effectively conveys the sudden shift in weather and the speaker's reaction. However, it could be rephrased for better clarity and impact. For example: "Then comes thunder, and I can't help but scream."

By addressing these suggestions, the poem's imagery, clarity, and impact can be enhanced, providing a more engaging and immersive experience for the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to

Your meter could use a little bit of touching up. I would suggest adding a syllable or two here and there, or taking some away, maybe that would also take care of the AI's suggestion to add some sensory images. A nice poem about cloud-watching, [a sport I often enjoy].
Oh, it's not a sport? It should be, for us more sedentary folks. Anyway, it was easy reading and I enjoyed the theme.
How about using [profiles of people]? Just a thought.
Some suggestions?

How about:
Soft fluffy pillows afloat way up high
To hide the sun, sitting high in the sky
A plethora of shapes,[looming deceptive]
Over inquiring minds, so receptive

I'm sure you can see the method; the meter doesn't need to be exact, just real close.
Try it, you'll like it! ~ Geezer.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.