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On Lawson Road
It was a miracle;
One Lady Slipper
pushed her crooked way
through gray of snow top
while one Tiger Lily knelt
hoping to live on.
Lady Slipper began to bloom,
opened her eyes beholding
Tiger Lilly in his struggle
for one last breath.
But no color thrives
In northern Winters . . .
. . . no exciting life about the
fields and forests.
Freezing rain and snow
become enemies of the heart
to grow dark
and find the cold
is no place
for fancies to grow.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Lawson Road was where my Ma planted lots of plants.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eumolpus
Fri, 2018-03-23 17:09
a thought
I'm in D.C. and we had the big snow too and was also seeing all the flowers weighed down in it,
loosing their color to whiteness. You have nicely caught that .
Sometimes in workshops comments are made to me to switch stazna's around, and I would like to suggest this.
Freezing rain and snow
become enemies of the heart
to grow dark
and find the cold
is no place
for fancies to grow.
It was a miracle;
One Lady Slipper
pushed her crooked way
through gray of snow top
while one Tiger Lily knelt
hoping to live on.
Lady Slipper began to bloom,
opened her eyes beholding
Tiger Lilly in his struggle
for one last breath.
But no color thrives
In northern Winters .
I cut 2 lines, the idea "exciting life" does not add to the poem, and confuses a bit. I would stay in focus on the flowers as both real and symbolic within the fury of nature. For me this version immediate engages the reader to the event and sets up the poem.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
scribbler
Sat, 2018-03-24 12:55
Hi Mark
It is the underlying message here that makes it so good.......stan
IRiz
Mon, 2018-04-02 00:01
I like your poem.
It inspired me to write the reply
I relate to the flowers
blooming too early
destined to argue with hail.
A lady slipper myself,
I navigate
towards warmer tomorrow.
Dry leaves for a sail,
I follow signs
for unseen and unmapped.
Not surprisingly
I am moving in circles
slowly realizing,
subconsciously knowing
all the time
that I have arrived.
That this lady slipper,
this rickety hope
is the world.
And there is no another one
better or worse.
I hope you like it.
IRiz
raj
Fri, 2018-03-30 14:43
Good story in poetic verses..
Good story in poetic verses..
........................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Halcyon
Tue, 2018-04-03 03:11
Love springs...
New love eager the enchantment of springs possibility. Such a battle it is between winter and spring in some parts of the world. Nice poem, I enjoyed it.